I liked the action and the description in this piece. The pace moved along nicely and the characters were interesting. Well done!

While following the prompts of other contests is beyond the scope of judging criteria for "The Bradbury Contest" , I did note that the prompt for that contest was Horror/Scary and it was one of the selected three genres of the piece as well. On that front, I'm not sure it was successful; there was very little that was creepy, scary, suspenseful, or horrifying about the narrative. Supernatural, sure... but it was missing that tense, dread atmosphere that I associate with pieces in the horror/scary genre.

Overall, this was a fun read. Thank you for entering the contest!