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 Review #4809828 |
Blackstone Cove  [18+] Opening scene  |
| (5.0)| Good morning, J. M. Kraynak , and I hope it finds you well. My name is Taylor, and I think we've met before. I put most of my effort here into reviewing, so that wouldn't be surprising. I found this charming little tale on the Please Review forum, and here I am. I'm old, and while I've achieved no great success, I've learned a lifetime of lessons that I'm willing to share. The things I will tell you here are my opinions and are merely suggestions; I don't know the subtleties any better than the next guy, so take anything I say as just something to consider. Okay? Let's get started, then.STORY & THEME:  on the story. This is charming, intense with a humorous undertone, and in fact, it's my hope that I can learn something from it. I'm working on a bit of fantasy myself with a grim, no-nonsense band of MCs who would benefit from a bit of humor, and what you've penned here is really excellent. We're plunged into a maelstrom of action capped off by a daring and hairsbreadth escape, and we learn something of the viewpoint character in the process. It's implied that the guy pursuing him is another thief, and enough mystery is maintained to drive the reader onward, specifically, what did he steal that's so important another thief would be willing to murder him over it? Brilliant!PRESENTATION: What I'm going to talk about here is how the story looks on the page. This affects different readers differently. Some will see an unattractive layout and make the assumption that you're lazy or don't know what you're doing. Others see it as no big deal; if the story's good, that's all that matters. I myself will overlook a lot to get to a good story, but I'm going to approach this as a stickler might to give you plenty of information that you can use or not as it suits you. I'm not going to pound this aspect too hard. You said in your request that this is in-progress, and you aren't too worried about the final look right now so I won't either. Just between you, me, and the bookcase, I don't see anything wrong with it anyway, so on the Presentation.MECHANICS: This covers spelling, grammar, "too" vs "to" issues, anything that might yank your reader out of the flow and send him backtracking to see whether he's missed something. Again, your request said that this wasn't an area of concern at this point, but I see no issues in any case. I prefer indented paragraphs, but there's certainly nothing wrong with the double-space method, and I find nothing here to complain about. This is fookin' awesome! on the mechanics.CONCLUSION: overall. This is as clean a story as I've seen here, and superbly entertaining as well. You're a fine writer, and it's a pleasure to read your stuff. Wishing you great success on your writing journey, whatever you consider that to be!Stay inspired, Taylor...   PS: Consider this your invitation to visit my blog, "Jack's Place" . You never know what might be on tap... My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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