I enjoyed the structure of this piece. I thought you did a great job outlining a compelling narrative with characters that engage the reader. Nice job!

I think some additional detail and description would really help this piece stand out. It felt like more of a synopsis or a summary, largely to do parts where the narrative is generalized (like, "Malik faced numerous challenges. Along the way, he encountered mythical creatures and wise elders who tested his courage and determination." I would have loved to see those scenes play out rather than just having them summarized after the fact.

Overall, I think you have a great foundation for a compelling story. The execution needs to be fleshed out a bit, but you're off to a great start!