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 Review #4818325 |
 | The Prodigal Son  [13+] A son inherits more than he wants, but exactly what he needs.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: All the while I was wondering why his dad would want to help the main character after what he did, I missed the obvious signs. What appeared like helpful little things, like the missing contact miraculously appearing, or the bottle of scotch just as he wanted a drink, was designed to mess with his head, and it was working. At first, Wes shrugged it off as… actually, I’m not sure how he rationalised it. I guess he just tried to forget about it, being busy with work. It would be the kind of thing that would freak anyone out, and yet he somehow kept going. He was an interesting character. For a moment, I felt for him - trying to get to work and getting delayed; I figured he would get in trouble with his boss. Only he was the boss after he so unceremoniously disposed of his father. Suddenly he turned into a not very nice character, and I thought the shift was nicely done. The story developed slowly, with more and more strange things happening, until his secretary turned up on this doorstep just as he wished he could spend the weekend with her, which was the final straw. He never recovered from that, and his father’s revenge from beyond the grave became obvious in the last few lines.  Suggestions: The story was well written and I only have a few suggestions: "All right, I'm coming," his face hardened “His face hardened” is not a dialogue tag so it should be a new sentence, with a period after “coming” to end the previous sentence. "Damn it!" Wes was fuming to himself. "This is the third time this month I'll be late." Wes talked to himself a lot. The speech marks indicated that he did so out loud, and I wondered if you actually intended it to come across like that. If you wanted to show that he was thinking these things, you could use italics to indicate his thoughts. I would suggest putting at least some of the things he says in italics instead, otherwise he comes across as a little strange. Most people talk to themselves on occasion, but he seems to have conversations with himself more than with other people. a queazy, sick feeling in his stomach Just a typo, “queasy”. and thee was a rocks glass “there”. Wich I'd invited Jane up. I think that was meant to say “Wish”. what I did to yo, Dad “you”  Final Thoughts: The briefcase as a device to deliver his father’s revenge was very original. Sort of like an evil wishing well that gave him everything he wanted and ultimately, what he deserved. Here, the returning son was cast not as forgiven but as damned. There was a creeping sense of dread as the story developed and the weight of betrayal became too much for the main character to bear. A great read!
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You responded to this review 07/21/2025 @ 11:57am EDT