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 Review #4820227 |
 | Up Close & Personal  [E] I decided to tell more about me, myself, & I; maybe not enough maybe too much :-)  |
| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  Hello, Viv, aka VPBanjo! INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:  I enjoyed reading your "Up Close & Personal" nonfiction piece today. It was interesting and nice to learn more about your personal life. Your writing kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end every time. Congratulations to you on completing eight whole years of the Contest Challenge! "The Contest Challenge" MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:  Happy Writing.Com Anniversary month! I hope you enjoy this review as a celebration of your time here and find the review uplifting and encouraging. It is meant to be honest and respectful, and in accordance with WDC guidelines. I found your "Up Close & Personal" nonfiction piece in your portfolio today. I specifically went to your portfolio to find something to review for you for your anniversary month. The title of this piece interested me, so I clicked and read it. I enjoyed it greatly, so I decided to give you a review as a little anniversary gift. Happiest anniversary wishes to you and best wishes on your writing future too! I loved your "Up Close & Personal" nonfiction piece so much. It was full of interesting facts and stories about your life. I especially loved learning why you chose the handle dogpack and reading about your faith in the Lord God. It's good that you mentioned at the top that it's a work in progress (wip), or I might have been kind of frustrated with the end of the piece. You really left me hanging! What was the real problem? Did you get the driver's license number and license plate number of the person who hit you with her car? Anyway, because you said at the top that it's a wip, I figured you planned to come back and finish this. I hope you do.  Or maybe you could do a follow up piece and link to it at the bottom or something. Either way, much more concerning is that it happened to you at all. How very horrible! I was raised the same way (tough it out), but sometimes we really do need emergency medical attention. I suspect from more recent blog posts that you are good about seeking care when you need it now, and that's good. You deserve proper treatment. As one of just nine people on this site to have completed eight years of Jody's Contest Challenge, you are part of an elite group of achievers! I hope you own that and that it helps you feel like you can accomplish anything. It's especially significant given all of your health challenges, especially the blindness. I can't even imagine dealing with that every day. I'm so glad you've found workarounds to be able to use the computer! I thought you did a great job with sharing some of your personal stories in this "Up Close & Personal" nonfiction piece. It did indeed feel up close and personal. It felt like you were sharing your history with a friend. While I do consider myself to be your friend, I think anyone reading this would sense this nice, friendly tone and also feel the same way. Maybe I'm biased though, because I already think you're a great person. I thought the biographical, personal, and educational genres you selected for this "Up Close & Personal" nonfiction piece were appropriate matches for it. As your writing usually does, it inspired me to pray for you and your neighbor helper. I also prayed for your homesteads. IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER: In the spirit of helpfulness, and because of the requirements of a new reviewing challenge I joined recently, I have some little suggestions to make your piece stronger. If you're interested in some constructive criticism, read on. But if you aren't, no worries. Just know that I enjoyed your piece and move on to the next section. Still reading? You're brave! Yay for you!   I think maybe you meant "myself" instead of "me" ... and "whenever" instead of "when" in this sentence? I think that because I'm pretty sure the things I think you meant to say would have been grammatically correct. Right now it looks like this:"To be able to drive me when and wherever I would want to go would be wonderful. " If you made these two little changes, your revised sentence would look like this (done so you can see and for easy copy and pasting, should you decide to make the change): "To be able to drive myself whenever and wherever I would want to go would be wonderful." So, I'm not really even sure where to start with this sentence. I've never seen Tiz' before. I think maybe you meant "It's?" Being creative and organized is super and commendable. I'm glad you are. Maybe it just needs to be broken down into multiple sentences and / or have some conjunctions added to make the sentence flow better? "Tiz' not to be, so I'm creative and organized as much as possible so that when the opportunity for me to go somewhere is available, I have a plan, tell the driver what I want and need, and we set a time and then we're off cursing to our destinations." If you made these changes, they'd look like this (done so you can see and for easy copy and pasting, should you decide to make the change): "It's not to be, so I'm creative and organized as much as possible so that when the opportunity for me to go somewhere is available, I have a plan in place. I tell the driver what I want and need, and we set a time. Then we're off cursing to our destinations." Those are just two sentences that stuck out to me, but I'd advise you to go through the whole piece again as it could use more editing for better flow. I know this is a wip, and I believe in the Golden Rule, so I'll be kind with the rating. It's always nice for me as a reader to have the word count listed somewhere above or below below the piece, perhaps in a "notes" section. I don't know how long it took me to start doing that, but once I did, readers responded favorably. So I'd recommend adding that information. It might help you get more future readers if you added a thumbnail picture to your "Up Close & Personal" nonfiction piece, if your membership level allows that. Pictures are attention getting and could help your story stand out in a list of search results. I think a picture of you or anything referenced in the piece would be especially nice.As with any review, please take what serves you and release or ignore what doesn't. CONCLUSION:  I enjoyed reading your "Up Close & Personal" nonfiction piece, and empathized with your sentiments that you expressed in it. Thank you for sharing your time, creativity, heart, experiences, and writing with the Writing.Com community! Once again, happy anniversary month! I hope the year ahead is filled with blessings and joy for you!May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance, and may the Lord bless you and all that you do, during your anniversary month, and always! PWheeler   A SuperPower Reviewers Choice review!   A Review to Congratulate You on Completing 8 Years of the Contest Challenge!: "The Contest Challenge"   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 06/12/2025 @ 10:54am EDT