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Review #4820321
Viewing a review of:
 
Alone i Break Open in new Window. [13+]
A mans destruction.
by Robert Hayes Author Icon
Review of Alone i Break  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings, and thank you for requesting a review.

This is dark, delving into a man's inner turmoil as he feels he has no one left to reach out to. We see him employing every bleak metaphor in the book, creating a steady, metrical rhythm that is both cliched and unique in the impactful heaviness it conveys. With hammer like beats and a direct AABB rhyme scheme, it presses home the anguish and hopelessness of depression as it builds walls around the narrator. He reaches out in desperation and finds no one who can or is willing to help or understand. It hurts as we share his pain with striking phrases like “something sacred slowly dies” and “ghosts of wars I couldn’t win.”

I get the feeling it discusses PTSD from wartime, a soldier’s lament as he deals with the consequences of things beyond his control.

I feel silly admitting this, but I'm tempted to pop it into an AI to see what they might remark on. But you aren't paying me for a service you could have for free *Pthb* It's just that sometimes when I'm presented with a poem, I'm at a loss to come up with deeper observations and considerations about it.

On my first perusal, I couldn't help reflecting on what I know of darkness like this. I'm not much into heavy music, but I'm a big enough fan of Imagine Dragons to share this with you as something which echoes a similar sense of hopeless ending:
video ▼

I looked at your portfolio to get a better idea of your style. It appears you often consider the gritty things of life in your writing. I'm not against that; we should acknowledge all aspects of our reality, and it isn't always fun and roses.

I would recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to create a clearer and more engaging reading experience across devices. On my iPad, it looks like the poem is several verses too long, for instance, giving it a boring, repetitive and tedious feel. If you need help with the formatting, you can click on the question mark in the row of tiles above the text entry box.

I noticed one of your genres is Biographical. If you really feel this way, know you're not alone and there are ways to get help. The US has a number now, 988, for mental health crisis care, similar to 911.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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