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Review #4820574
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Raindrops Open in new Window. [E]
The first rains of spring
by Robert Hayes Author Icon
Review of Raindrops  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings, and thank you for requesting a review *Smile*

You're right, this is a refreshing difference from the other items I observed in your collection. It focuses on a child's enjoyment of the first spring rains, engaging all the senses in a warm and happy memory. You’ve included everything: scent, touch, taste, sight, sound, and emotion, wrapping us in the experience with as much excitement as you felt when it happened.

I like your metrical rhythms; some might say it's too simplistic, but it carries the tune and creates something which I would have liked to write down and memorize as a kid. I had a whole collection of handwritten poetry I'd gathered up and committed to memory.

A few twiddly points... I noticed you use no punctuation at the end of lines. This is fine, I suppose; I struggle with figuring out how to punctuate lines, and it would probably be a lot easier to have none at all *Laugh* You do, however, need to close quotes on the mother’s words, “you wouldn’t dare!” I leave it up to you to decide whether or not you need the exclamation point as well *Wink*

Another thing is in the first verse, you write “the rains are here,” and then in the second verse it says “spring is here.” You may want to vary that by saying “spring has come,” or “the rains now fall,” or something similar.

Also, perhaps it should be clear in the subtitle that it’s written from a reminiscent child’s perspective. I see the cover picture but it didn’t quite click at first. Perhaps even changing one of the genres to Children’s would make it more appealing. For that matter, a larger font size than default is always more appealing and engaging.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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