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Review #4822662
Viewing a review of:
 Chapter 1 Open in new Window. [13+]
Chapter 1 of my fantasy novel
by Neil Campbell Author Icon
Review of Chapter 1  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings, Neil, and welcome to Writing.com!

I found this by using the Random Read and Review button.

Well, this is a ripping good opening to a saga, for sure. I skimmed lightly over at first, because I never know what to expect with stories, especially when it’s someone I’m not familiar with. But this is appropriate enough for me to be interested in reading the rest of it. You have an excellent way with words, showing us the mysterious dualistic cityscape with clarity and vivid, almost old fashioned imagery. I don’t read much current epic fantasy, so not sure how much of this is cliche, but it’s dramatic and even cinematic.

Here follows some basic concepts of how to make sure the rest of this saga is as compelling as the first chapter. Your main character, protagonist, needs goals, stakes and obstacles. The antagonist should be well formed, with a backstory of how they arrived where they are and the choices they make. The protagonist needs some flaws to keep her well grounded, and needs to discover things about herself that she was unaware of as well as fighting external forces. This is probably all super simplistic for you, but… it’s hard for me to dig in deep with reviews.

The opening chapter isn’t enough to remark on dialogue, character development or story pacing, but I can say it makes an excellent hook, grabbing us, throwing us into a drama and making us want to know more about our poor orphan heroine. I would be quite interested to read further into this story!

My pal Jack of Diamonds Author Icon just wrote a blog post "Fantasy as Other Stuff" Open in new Window. where he suggested we should avoid data dumping at the beginning of a fantasy, instead plunging into the action and allowing readers to piece together the world they’re in as they go along. I know this isn’t always possible when it’s an unusual world (duh) but perhaps you might consider reforming the opening to be more succinct or even throw us into the action without pausing to describe the city… ok, that’s probably not possible. Just a thought *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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