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Review #4824874
Viewing a review of:
 Writing While Moving Open in new Window. [E]
Writing is just a Hobby if you don’t get paid. But it will always be a Craft too.
by PureSciFiPlus Author Icon
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Seems to me that Douglas and Patrick have far too many possessions. When I was young, I moved my family several times with just a car and a borrowed truck. And that was in one day. Of course, we didn't have much in those days and it might take a bit longer if we were to attempt it today. But still, I think these two need to have a yard sale before they move next time.

That's my reaction to the piece and it may be true that others have many more things to transport. But the matter has some bearing on the tale as well. All this toing and froing does not make the most interesting or gripping reading. The constant decision to do a bit more the next day becomes tedious, especially as virtually nothing unusual happens in the course of each day's events. Only the weather provides a little relief by raining sometimes.

That is the main problem with the story, that very little happens beyond going in between the old house and the new. But not enough is explained of the setting. As an example, consider the first paragraph. What is this about a guard post? It's never explained. And who or what is released by the pressing of the button? Complete mystery.

What the story needs is less concentration on how many journeys were made and instead a compression of it all into fewer trips but more accidents, more things going wrong, more humour in other words. Moving is a traumatic experience, even if you're trying to write in the meantime. Make it an adventure that repays the hard work with memories to look back on.

And my advice is to avoid the present tense. It should only be used if there's a very good reason for it. I heartily approve of the font used however. Makes for a very easy read.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
2023 Quill Nominee2023 Quill Finalist


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