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 Review #4824910 |
 | Ghost Peppers  [18+] This is the prologue to my book "Ghost Peppers".  |
| (4.5)  First Impressions: I have so many questions! I saw that you have more chapters of this novel in your portfolio, but as a prologue, this does its job: It made me curious what it was all about, and it made me want to read on. The killer didn’t seem to have chosen his victims randomly - Adam had done something to someone called Jasmine, and the killer was avenging it (at least that’s how it sounded to me). But what was with the monogrammed pillowcase? The letter ‘A’ might have been Adam or Alice’s initials, so perhaps he intended to kill more people and these two were just the start, or maybe it was his initial, like a calling card. And the set-up indicated that he knew exactly what he was doing; he had brought everything he needed and knew what to look out for, like a potential camera at the front door, so perhaps this wasn’t the first time he was doing this. Like I said, I had a lot of questions, which is a good thing at the end of the prologue!  Suggestions: I have a few small suggestions: her head tilted slightly to the side looking right at Adam the bright red lace contrasting vividly against her pale skin. You have three fragments here that are strung together without punctuation. Something like this might work: With her head tilted slightly to the side, she looked right at Adam, the bright red lace contrasting vividly against her pale skin. Adam watched helplessly as his wife laid there helpless. Not an error as such, but the repetition of “helpless” was quite noticeable here, and I would suggest replacing one of them with a different word. you can’t hurt her anymore.” The killer tormenting him. As the sentence continues after the speech with a dialogue tag, you need a comma instead of a period after “anymore” and continue with a lower case letter in “the”. Also, it should be "tormented" instead of “tormenting”. you made this to easy Just a typo, “too”.  Final Thoughts: I do have another question as well, and either I didn’t ‘get it’ or you might need to clarify something. The killer went to great lengths to set the scene, with the red lingerie and the pillowcase. I wasn’t sure what happened next. You said he collected every trace of evidence he had brought. Does that include the lingerie and the pillowcase? They would be classed as evidence, but I didn’t see the point in him arranging everything so neatly if he then removed it before anyone could see it. Did he take a picture of it before he took it away, or did he leave those items and only removed the zip ties and the syringes? As you said The empty syringes were the last thing he picked up, it sounded like he collected everything else first. To me, that section wasn’t clear, and it might be worth clarifying what exactly he picked up and what, if anything, he left behind. It might all become clear in the first chapter when, presumably, the police will find the couple, but without reading on, it made me wonder. And yes, I will probably read the next chapter as well because this prologue left me curious to find out what was going on, in a good way. It was a very good start to a longer story, and I enjoyed the read!
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You responded to this review 07/15/2025 @ 12:51pm EDT