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 Review #4828869 |
Surrealism  [ASR] Accidental Artwork - Daily Flash Fiction - 11-15-20 W/C 281  |
| (4.5)  A review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  First Impressions: That was fun! A bit of a nightmare to wake up to a scenario like that, but the narrator took it all in her stride. She never came across as frightened or even particularly perturbed - she just decided to go back to bed in the hope that it would all go away when she woke up again. Of course it didn’t, at least not the first time. Who knows what might happen when she gets up again at 28:00. It might all be fine - or it might not be. I liked her assumption that she somehow ended up in a Salvador Dali painting. It would fit the setting, although waking up and finding yourself in a painting isn’t exactly normal, and I possibly would have expected a bit more of a reaction from her, especially the second time. But she shrugged it off as if those occurrences were commonplace for her. Maybe they were!  Suggestions: I only noticed a few small errors: It’s a nightmare and I’m sleepwalking. I think this line needs a comma after “nightmare” to separate the two independent clauses. After a nap, with no dreams thanks be to heaven, I venture back to the living room. I feel the middle part of this sentence needs something stronger than commas to set it off from the rest of the sentence. Perhaps something like this: After a nap - with no dreams, thanks be to heaven - I venture back to the living room. I also felt that the story was a little repetitive in the second half, and I wonder if it might work to vary the strange setting slightly. Instead of describing the same scene again, have her notice something different. You could even leave something out of the first description and have it appear the second time. Something along the lines of, “Were the curtains hanging sideways before? This is getting worse! I was afraid to look too closely in case there would be fish flying through the air.” Just an idea   Final Thoughts: I have to admit that I don’t really get artists like Salvador Dali either. I understand the technical brilliance behind their work, I just feel I’m missing the point. In this story, the narrator seemed to give up quite quickly and wrote it off as a bad experience, hoping it would all go away, and she did so with a dry wit and in a calm tone that made the story quite humorous in places. I liked the story much better than the painting!
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