Hello Joey's Ready for the Fall

Here is a review for your "Daddy" , which winked at me from the side of the page.

Comments and Observations:

I had never heard of Chronos as a poetry form, but from your note at the bottom of the page, I found out that it had to do with word counts very different from one another at each line, and that this form was invented by a WdC member.

So, kudos to you for keeping to the form so well and still coming up with a tender and nostalgic poem. Your use of classic symbols of strength, such as lighthouse, oak, and fortress, is impressive, as here, they signal stability, guidance, and protection. Added to this is the mournful but not-sentimental voice. It balances the speaker's admiration and grief perfectly. Plus, I liked the last line a lot for its poignancy.

Then, there's an emotional progression in the ideas presented. This is from the father’s guiding role "lighthouse", to his strength "oak", to his warmth "home", to his protective love "fortress", and then, at the end, the absence he left behind. In fact, you have intensity here within a complete emotional arc, and very effective metaphors.

If I were to make a suggestion, I would say, in addition to your strong metaphors, you might consider adding here and there more personal details, like a remembered gesture, voice, or habit. This would make Daddy more of an individual rather than a archetype. But of course, this is totally up to you.

I am not commenting on the flow or rhythm due to the specificity of this poetry form. I don't know how anyone can achieve a smooth flow when there are such differences as to the number of words in each line of a stanza.

Congrats to you for tackling a form so incompliant to poetry. I think you did an extraordinary job.

Suggestions on the text as to grammar, usage, and punctuation

I didn't see any problems in this area.

Best wishes with your work.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .