Hello Kenword!

First off, this is a solid, classic sci-fi concept executed with a fun twist. It’s got that gritty, corporate-space-opera vibe—think a less cynical The Expanse or a more focused episode of Star Trek. The premise is immediately engaging: a veteran commander on a perilous mission to a volatile planet, facing down corporate expectations and a nervous junior officer. You get the sense of a long career, the weight of command, and the weariness that comes with it right from the start.

The strongest part of the setup is the Commander's voice. His dry, weary humor lands perfectly. The exchange about being a "decrepit old geezer" and his 79th birthday happening in 18 minutes is fantastic character work. It immediately establishes him as someone who’s been around the block, doesn't suffer fools, and has a sense of humor about his own mortality. It makes his ultimate decision feel earned. We believe he’s the kind of man who would orchestrate such an elaborate escape.

The world-building is efficient. You quickly understand the hierarchy (Commander, Navigator, the bridge crew), the technology (GOATs, Delta probes, M class cruisers), and the corporate overlords (Opal Eye) without getting bogged down in excessive exposition. The jargon feels authentic and helps sell the setting. Sarnert Grate itself is a great MacGuffin—a suitably dangerous and mysterious planet that serves its purpose as a plot device perfectly.

Now, for the twist. It’s a good one! The reveal that the entire dangerous mission is a ruse for the Commander to fake his death and reunite with his rejuvenated lover is genuinely satisfying. It recontextualizes everything that came before. His impatience with Lance, his insistence on going in himself, the conveniently malfunctioning probes—it all clicks into place as part of his plan. The detail of the holographic will is a particularly nice, clever touch.

The ending is wholesome and delivers on the promise of the twist. Colette’s youthful appearance thanks to the planet’s "sugar beets" is a fun, almost fairy-tale-like resolution. The dialogue—“Honey, I’m home” and “Your youth is in the frosting”—is charming and effectively sells their relationship and their well-earned happy ending.

If I were to give one suggestion for improvement, it would be to lean even more into the Commander’s perspective during the initial mission. We get his voice, but a few more internal cues—a hidden smile when Lance argues against the mission, a specific thought about Colette as he’s preparing the GOAT—could make the eventual twist feel even more rewarding on a second read. It’s about layering in that subtle dramatic irony.

The prose is functional and clear, which works well for the genre. A pass to vary sentence structure a little more in the action sequences could heighten the tension, but it's by no means a deal-breaker. The story does what it sets out to do: it builds a believable scenario, establishes a compelling character, and delivers a payoff that is both surprising and heartwarming.

This is a really enjoyable short piece. It’s a clever premise with a great payoff, and it leaves the reader with a smile. Well done.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .