Hello, bobaturn,

Here is a review for your "Alien Contact" , which I found its link on the side of the page.

Comments and Observations:

Such fun! This is a very clever, playful piece. It combines an alien landing with fresh humor.

What felt really funny to me, at first, was an alien’s desperate need for fuel and Sarah using the saucer as a serving dish. Then, at the end, that corny situation...the earth unknowingly becoming the source of a galactic delicacy.

Consequently, you came up with an engaging alien character, Iben Fulled. His mix of arrogance, desperation, plus pragmatism endeared him to me. He thinks, while popping pills of all colors and trying to land, "Interesting tribal customs." There was no unified world order.

As to Sarah and little Tommy, their conversation felt natural and quite grounded in their everyday life. When Tommy held out the flying saucer to Sarah and said,“Look Mommy, somebody lost their frisbee."

Then, it took hot butter and a butter coated kernel of corn to fuel Iben Fulled and his flying saucer. Hilarious as well as corny all around.

I won't say much more in order not to give away the plot, but I loved reading every word of it.

I also loved how you balanced your story-telling with satire and sci-fi, and did it with such a light tone.

The only suggestion I can make is Iben chewing his pills. As funny as it reads now, if you could show how it also affected the outcome of the story, this clip of a scene wouldn't be left alone and dangling.

Then, although it might make the story longer, it might make it better if you would dramatize Iben's galactic success, rather than describing it in summary. I understand though, from the word count at the end, you had to work within a limited word count. If this was for a contest with a word count, maybe you can address this, after the contest, only because I think your story is quite original and enjoyable.

Suggestions on the text as to grammar, usage, and punctuation

“wear and tare” should be “wear and tear.”

“tucked at Sarah Horneby’s slacks” might be better as “tugged.”

“cobb” should be “cob.”

Best wishes with your work.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .