Hello, Jim,

Here is a review for your "Invalid Item" .

Comments and Observations:

This double-spine idea is so interesting and ambitious and you succeeded so well with it. I'm truly amazed.

This "double spine" idea, that is having the first words and last words of each line read vertically, is clever, at least for me, and quite original. It creates a hidden architecture in the poem, like a secret undercurrent paralleling the main narrative.

Also, the title, along the beach, ties neatly with the images and hints at the dual vertical "shores" of the poem. While reading the poem, I read the vertical spines first and, congrats, they do emerge clearly and make sense in themselves, as if additionally condensed micro poems. You succeeded at a very rare thing in form-driven poetry since you didn't sacrifice meaning for form.

Plus, the main body reads smoothly, as a story about a couple's relationship, first encounter and happy moments and such against the backdrop of the seaside escape.

The mix of city images, "cheap streets," against the seaside images, "oyster shells, salt air" complement the idea of duality in the poem, as if realism and dreaming.

Then, these visual gestures, "the clasped hand, rolled-up cuffs, slicked palms, licked lips", balance the poet's more abstract loneliness.

But, just maybe, though not that important, at the end, (I'm wondering) if “melting back into the wet sand” feels somewhat expected. What if a sharper or more surprising ending image could echo the strength of the spines? This is totally up to you and I don't think the ending does any disfavor to the other wonderful lines, anyway.

This poem, overall, succeeds in both form and content, which mustn't be easy with the structure of a double spine. Congratulations, again, for writing it.

Suggestions on the text as to grammar, usage, and punctuation

I didn't see any problems in this area.

Best wishes with your work.





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .