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Review #4836534
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Campfire Girl Open in new Window. [E]
No Devices Allowed
by NormaJean AKA CHEER QUEEN Author Icon
Review of Campfire Girl  Open in new Window.
Review by SpookyBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Sally goes to hang out at a campfire with her husband, John, but discovers all they guys have their heads in their cell phones looking for cavemen. Since conversation is non-existent, Sally makes other plans...

This story will teach one about the power of being face-to-face, present and in the moment with someone and just how significant human interaction is.

This story is told in the third person by Sally. Good job with capturing character voice.

I especially liked the ending as Sally makes the most of her predicament, though I had a chuckle at the caveman game.

Good use of WDC ML to increase the font. This is a flash fiction and it does a good job telling a slice of story in 300 words.

My suggestion, and it's minor because I think the story stands alone, is maybe trying to incorporate more sensory input and put the reader in the story. Show me how smokey the campfire is, etc.

An example of when in the outdoors, enjoy the outdoors and leave the devices in the house.

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#1188311 by iKïyå§amhain Author IconMail Icon


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