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 Review #4837363 |
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| (4.5)  "Anniversary Reviews" is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com! Hi Lexi  . Though I'm a few months late, congratulations on your 23rd Writing.Com Anniversary!I'm Ja-Ja-JINX , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Invalid Item" . A special edition of "Anniversary Reviews" encourages reviews of members who joined WDC within the first five years of the site's existence. I want to thank you for your continued support in the early years and beyond. I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.  Overall Impression. You penned this offering for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" contest nine years ago. I'm not sure of the specific prompt, but that didn't preclude my enjoyment of the read. The phrase, "Hell hath no fury ..." comes to mind. From a guy's standpoint, I hope this is just a very strong lesson that is being sent. Of course, there's a good reason for such a lesson to be applied. It's one that has been carefully considered and carried out. The fact that Brielle left food and water should offer hope ... at least, a small amount, that is. I suppose that's of little consequence to a person facing his mortality, alone. I wondered about using Danilo as a nickname, with a real name that seemed to have no context with it. Just a thought. You set the stage perfectly for the inevitable showdown, leaving little crumbs along the way. But, I didn't expect the ending. This was almost biblical in nature. Let the accused suggest his own punishment.  Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.The only issue I saw on the technical side was in the area of the sixth paragraph from the end. You are missing a few carriage returns to separate into necessary paragraphs around the dialogue. Don't forget the indentions. I saw no other issues.  My Rating. 4.5. You don't say, but I hope you fared well in the contest. Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.
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