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Review #4837475
Viewing a review of:
 Try, Try Again Open in new Window. [ASR]
learning to ride for the first time
by ridinghhood-p.boutilier Author Icon
Review of Try, Try Again  Open in new Window.
Review by Ja-Ja-JINX Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!*CakeP*


Hi ridinghhood-p.boutilier Author Icon. Congrats on reaching your 20th Writing.Com Anniversary. What a milestone!

I realize it was several months ago, but a special edition of "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. honoring WDC's 25th Birthday allows reviewers the opportunity to review members who joined the site within the first five years of WDC's existence. Thanks for your support of the site in those early years.

I'm Ja-Ja-JINX Author Icon, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Try, Try Again" Open in new Window..

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. Learning how to ride a bike sure takes me back. My first bike was a red 24" Schwinn bike that still looked pretty big to a six-year-old. We lived in a brand-new housing tract in San Antonio and our lawn was more dirt than grass. At least it was flat. I got pretty dirty learning how to ride on that dirt. No road until I could get on, ride and stop without falling off.

Your story is perfectly paced for a person learning the ropes, so to speak. Three tries and then off and running. Pretty good for a new person. And your ending was most unexpected ... and unique. I loved it. I definitely didn't see that coming.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* While minor, pay attention to your punctuation, especially around your dialogue.

 "I'll never learn to ride this bike", she moaned, "never!"  "I'll never learn to ride this bike," she moaned. "Never!"

 she pushed off----100 feet  she pushed off--100 feet,

 If at first you don't succeed...".  succeed ...."

 "Thank you, Kyler," she added, "this has been the best birthday ever."  "Thank you, Kyler." She added, "this has been the best birthday ever."

         *Bullet* Also, consider double-spacing your paragraphs. It makes it so much easier to read from a screen with the added white space.    

*Thumbsup* Favorite Part. This line tells it all.

The exhilaration she felt banished the pain from her bumps and bruises.

*Star* My Rating.  4.0.  Definitely an above average story. A bit more attention to detail will make it perfect.

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/01/2025 @ 9:26am EDT
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