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Review #4837604
Viewing a review of:
Shadows Between the Heartbeats Open in new Window. [E]
Love and danger collide beneath the city’s hidden, shadowed past.
by Espresso Author Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Wow, this is quite a story. You've captured so much with so few words, bringing us a vivid picture of intrigue and mysteries and leaving us hanging. I see it's categorized under "novel," which means you presumably plan on building this out further. As it is, it feels like a vignette or a sample, something designed to capture a few scenes with intensity. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be anything further?

The characters are clear and engaging, serving their purposes well and hinting at varying and conflicting motivations that will drive the rest of the story. The settings are relatable and highly visual, creating a tense, cinematic effect.

I'll give a few quick pointers on fiction elements that keep a story rolling, as taught by my mentor Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 Author Icon. Goals, Stakes, Obstacles, Conflict and Tension set us up for success. Your main character has a goal, your antagonist has a goal, the stakes are high, the obstacles appear insurmountable, the tension can be adjusted throughout by raising (or lowering) the stakes, or consequences of reaching or not reaching the goals. Characters should be well rounded and dynamic, as opposed to flat and static. The protagonist should learn something about themselves or the world around them by the end, and there should be an overarching theme, something grand but not moralistic, deep but not preachy.

I noticed you didn't include paragraph spacing. I would recommend using either an {indent} or a double space, to help it look more professional. Also, it would be a great improvement to add {size:4}{font:Verdana} to be beginning to make it nice and clear and accessible.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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