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Review #4837796
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Rated: | (3.5)
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Greetings!

I discovered this by using the Random Read and Review button.

It's a wild ride, indeed, focusing on a struggle between an ordinary woman and a ferociously evil nonphysical entity in the battlefield of a destroyed neighborhood. I found it to be somewhat monotonous, carrying the same level of tension throughout and describing things over and over in a rather repetitive fashion. I understand the desire to emphasize the horrors, but the mind grows weary of the descriptions used. Try to pare it down to the basics: less is more. Better to write lean and have readers fill in the details with their imagination than to rely on constant descriptive phrases, similes and sheer bombardment of the senses, which become numb and skim over, looking for a change of pace.

Also, this is seen very much from the outside, and we have a sort of passive feeling, like we're watching a rather plodding movie. One should be careful to engage the reader in quick bursts of action and description, balancing the narrative as much as possible and taking us within the protagonist's head with a style that's almost like first person but not quite. There's a term, "free indirect discourse," that you can research. It will explain the difference between using italics to mark internal monologue and having the narrative become the monologue, so to speak.

I like the sense of relief at the end, along with the looming hint of more on the way, and you've done your best to make the struggle real and vivid for us. This was quite a read, and I appreciate your efforts. I know it's hard to write a compelling and engaging narrative when there's only one character and no dialogue to keep us alert. I think a little tightening up of the prose would go a long way to making it more readable. For that matter, adding a word count in the subtitle and tagging {size:4}{font:verdana} at the beginning would also be a step in the right direction for readability and accessibility.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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