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Review #4838938
Viewing a review of:
 The Thornton Mascot Open in new Window. [E]
Two generations dog and family 960 words
by DyrHearte writes Author Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings!

I saw this on the sidebar and thought it looked cute. It's as good as it seemed: a folksy, all-american tale of a boy and his dog. It almost feels like a country song, if country songs were decent... *Think*

I love the themes of the cycle of life and growing up and finding a mate with the help of your faithful dog. Just like Old Yeller, as long as there are puppies, there's hope. Same goes for babies. Everything here is classic, trite and predictable but in a cozy sort of way.

I might suggest taking a second look at your writing style, because it does come across as a little sloppy. I know it's supposed to feel like a front porch anecdote, but I've had the "third person limited" POV drilled into me, and your nameless narrator perspective is a bit offsetting. You could "formalize" the style by focusing in on the narrative from David's perspective, showing us an up close and personal view of his coming of age. The details are already there; they just should perhaps be reframed differently.

Also, Arthur cannot eat chocolate ice cream *Shock2* Ice cream will upset a dog's stomach, and chocolate is poisonous for them. This is a startling moment that pulls us out of the narrative. You can, however, use a scene like this to open the story in a more immediately grounded way, rather than generalizing about how the community views Arthur and David.

Overall, I really enjoyed this; I feel it needs a little polish to show at its best. (For that matter, I always suggest adding {size:4}{font:verdana} to the beginning of an item to ensure it's professional and presentable. You may also want to add a word count at top or bottom in case you would like to drop this off at "Senior Center Forum" Open in new Window.)

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *WingL**Heartv**WingR*


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/11/2025 @ 3:17am EDT
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