Hello, NormaJean AKA CHEER QUEEN,

Here is my take on for your "Joy at Sunset"  that came up as a nice gift from Read & Review.

Comments and Observations:

Loss and endurance seems to be at the heart of your story, here. I found it to be warm and heartfelt. It has a strong emotional core with a clear sense of family and place.

I can surely relate to the weary relief of the main character (you?) after a few tough events. On the other hand, I could rejoice the ending that has a sincere emotional payoff.

As to structure and pacing, the shift from domestic troubles to peace and unity works very well.

Characterization and detail and especially small details add to the enjoyment of this piece. Here, each family member has something such as lemonade and cookies for Mark's picnic table, which in itself seems to be a symbol with its carved initials. Then, Butch, the dog, also adds warmth to the scene.

Above all, I did love the family theme with resilience and memory. It shows how small acts of caring can keep love among the family members after any loss.

Something I could suggest would probably be that you might give the narrator a bit more of her internal world, in maybe a sentence before the family meeting to show her motivation and emotional state. Something like: I realized what we needed most wasn’t more fixing, but a moment to breathe together.

Also, since you have included the word count, I'm guessing you were working within a restriction. Still, if I may, it would end the piece better if an image was added at the end. Maybe, off the top of my head, something like: The sun slipped behind the trees, painting the sky the color of Mark’s old flannel shirt. We sat in silence, the sweetness of lemonade lingering, holding onto the light a little longer...

Suggestions on the text as to grammar, usage, and punctuation

“I called for family meeting” > “I called for a family meeting.”

Best wishes with your work.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .