Hello, Spidy Web,

Here is a review for your "Silence: A love bite" , which showed up at the side of the page.

Comments and Observations:

This poem captures something fleeting. I think it may be a tenderness of connection--however strange, and beauty, and loss, and all these plus others you put it in a surreal landscape.

Just a thought: I guess your giving so much space--about 3 to 4 lines--between each line of this poem is part of that surreal thing. I can certainly understand that, but it makes the reading of the poem so much more difficult for your online readers. I suggest you might consider lowering the space between the lines of this poem and let the poem's words speak for themselves.

Overall, the feeling I got is that this poem is cyclical, beginning and ending with the same haunting line. “This story was never meant to be written.” Ethereal I must say, therefore, for the entire poem. It gave me something of an image that is dreamlike, as if the speaker is caught in a memory that keeps rewriting itself. Also, together with that repetition, the imagery, which is quite fragmented, felt almost meditative.

The motions you described shift a lot, too. They are almost impossible to hold and they are fragile. Case in point, a flower is both an object of love and illusion, "There was no flower, just a thought”

I saw quite a few themes in the poem, as well. One is a fleeting beauty, as in the butterfly as a lover or a muse. This alludes to a beauty that cannot stay. Then, "No word. Broke the silence" refers to what's felt and what's unsaid. The final reflection was precious. "I was walking around a flower all this time." This showed me that the journey held its meaning but was not really about the search itself. Also, the butterfly, flower, wind, and winter are symbols pointing to impermanence.

Then, the free-verse suits your content well. The whole thing reads like a stream of consciousness as if an inner dialogue.

The entire poem felt like a dream to me, a dream full of mystery and a bit of circular motion throughout the lines. Nice!

Suggestions on the text as to grammar, usage, and punctuation

Just a thought or two here:
Many sentences start with “She” or “I.” A bit more variation would add to the musicality of the poem.

Also, some repetitions like “Should I keep looking at the butterfly? // Proceeded to look around” could be merged for smoother flow.

Best wishes with all your work.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .