%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4840532 |
| (5.0)  My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. THE STORYTed and Frank have been up to no good and go to a fix-it place in hopes of fixing their problem.  WHAT I LIKEDThe story built suspense well. I was dying to know what they broke!  POV NARRATION/TENSEThis is told in the 3rd person omnisicent. Past tense is used in the story. DIALOGUEThe dialogue drives the story. Dialogue tags are used to add little highlights. OPENING The opening intrigues the reader - what strange place are Ted and Frank in? (side note: I just thought Bill might be a better sidekick for Ted, recalling the Bill & Ted movies) Once you find out the place, then the element of suspense comes out. CHARACTERSTed and Frank have a good heart, but you can tell they've been up to some mischief. FLOW & PACINGThe opening set up the problem, the middle set on a solution and end wasn't for Ted and Frank. Well done. MECHANICSI did not notice and spelling/punctuation mistakes. My only suggestion here, and it's minor and a matter of style - maybe increase the font a little to make it easier on the eyes to read. PARTING THOUGHTSThe title fits the story. For a Flash, nice character development using dialogue. Kept me guessing right up until the end! A suspense short that will leave the reader smiling. An Angel Army Review
|
||||||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You have not yet responded to this review.