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Review #4843696
Viewing a review of:
 
Night and Day Open in new Window. [13+]
Fate is a tricky thing and often unkind.
by Ned Author Icon
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#4843696
Review of Night and Day  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

There was some clever foreshadowing early on in the story when you wrote that “they didn’t have that long”. The optimist in me hoped you meant that they didn’t have to wait long to meet and for their budding romance to unfold, but that’s not where you were going with this at all. There might have been romance - Erasmus did feel drawn to her when he read her poetry and they embraced briefly - but by then, it was already too late.

You set the scene well, both the cafe where Annabelle hid to write her poetry and Erasmus’ room which immediately made it clear where his mind was at, even if the readers didn’t quite know at that point what he had been doing. He was an interesting character, and even though his motives were only implied, I felt I got to know him quite well in this short tale.


*PenG* Suggestions:

I liked that he had a change of heart when he read her words and felt that she was his soulmate. It was slightly less clear why she would embrace him. Even if she didn’t understand what the map and the places marked with an X meant, there was nothing personal that would have drawn her to him. If anything, she should have been annoyed that he took her laptop, and perhaps a line or two to explain why she would feel like embracing him might help to make her a little clearer.

I also noticed a typo:

a very average morning The outdoor cafe
There is a period missing after “morning”.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

This was quite a tragic story, and the way it unfolded worked well. The readers knew that something was going to happen, and there were plenty of humorous elements, like her chasing her scarf into the traffic causing his bus to make an emergency stop, that could have turned this into a funny story with a happy ending. But it was in fact the ‘dark’ genre that determined the outcome here, with the mood being quite bleak throughout even when it looked like they might have a future together. I enjoyed the read!




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