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Review #4845651
Viewing a review of:
The Flautist in the Subway Open in new Window. [E]
This subway station is a subterranean cathedral thanks to angel music and one old man.
by Moarzjasac Author Icon
Review by TeeGateM Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)





Subject Reviewed:

A day in the life of a Subway Flautist

My Written Review

This story is beautifully heartfelt. It reads like a lived experience, rich with compassion, insight, and the small sacred moments most people rush past without noticing. The narrator’s voice is warm, humble, and deeply human — the kind of voice that stays with you long after the last line.

I especially loved the way the subway environment becomes a kind of underground cathedral, where noise, cold, and the chaos of daily life transform into something almost holy when filtered through the flautist’s perspective. The recurring presence of “angels,” both literal and symbolic, gives the piece a gentle spiritual glow.

The supporting characters — Tony from the food counter, the young mother, the jobless man in corduroy pants, the former convent girl — all drift in and out like brief but meaningful constellations in the old man’s day. Each encounter adds warmth and humanity without ever feeling forced. The moment when the platform becomes a resonant chamber filled with music was especially powerful; it’s one of those rare scenes that feels almost mythic.

Suggestions and Possible Errors: (If I were helping you prepare for publication,
this is the kind of list I would send any author.)

There are a couple of suggestions:

“He grabs my stool and sets it up for me between the pillar and the shelter of his counter, by the back of his popcorn machine.”
This is fine, but a comma after counter could help smooth it.

“‘Yes, Thanks,I will be thawed out enough to play in a few minutes!’”
Should be:
“Yes, thanks, I will be thawed out enough to play in a few minutes!”

“Booo cold too, I suppose!”
Possibly meant to be:
“Booo. Cold too, I suppose.”
Or
“Boo — cold too, I suppose!”

“My total cash on hand is a nickel and three pennies.”
This is good, but could use a comma after hand if desired.

“Either an attempt at humor or somebody’s kids had fun with Dad’s wallet?”
Should end with a period:
Either an attempt at humor or somebody’s kids had fun with Dad’s wallet.

“Sometimes I know who to expect…”
There is an extra space before I.

“I hope the rest of her day is good and not too tiring, as I notice the bulge beneath her coat…”
Could be a run-on. A period after tiring makes it clearer.

“I think the tune touched a good place in her memory.”
Smooth as-is, but “a good place” might be strengthened to “a warm place” or “a tender place.”

“Mrs Dorsett”
Should be Mrs. Dorsett (period for abbreviation).

“Coins began to drop by the handful.”
Should be begin if keeping consistent present-tense narrative mode.
But note: the story uses mixed tenses, so you may want to standardize.

Dialogue punctuation appears inconsistent in places. For example:

• Some dialogue lines are missing commas before quotation marks.
• Some end with periods when they should have commas before a tag.

“Thanks to the music, there is money; all that I need now, plus some to share with others who need help.”
Slight clarity improvement:
Thanks to the music, there is money — all that I need now, plus some to share with others who need help.

“It has been pitch dark for two hours—time to head out.”
Perfect sentence, just note the em dash should match the style used elsewhere.

The final paragraphs are deeply moving but a bit heavy.
Could be broken into 2–3 shorter paragraphs for breathing room.

Closing

The storytelling is generous, wise, and steeped in empathy. It’s a portrait of someone who has very little but still gives everything he can: music, comfort, insight, prayer. And that final walk home — soup and eggs in hand — leaves the reader with a soft ache, the good kind, the kind that lingers.

This is truly a lovely piece. Well done!


I will happily review this item again after a revision is done.
Just send me an email through the system.

Kind wishes,
Tee



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