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 Review #4846445 |
Safe Haven  [18+] Havens are where you find them, and some of them are safer than others.  |
| (5.0)| What a powerful, bittersweet slice of life this is. From the very first paragraph of the preface, I felt like I was being welcomed into a real place and time, not just “told” about it. The backstory of the California beach town, Navy years, and those carefree twenties sets the perfect tone for what follows. It feels lived-in, not invented, and that authenticity carries all the way through the story. Shirley absolutely broke my heart in the best way. You capture her mixture of toughness, vulnerability, and quiet hope so well. The contrast between the toxic chaos of her home life and the warmth of her friendships is incredibly effective. Her mother’s cruelty is hard to read at times, but it never feels cartoonish or overdone—it feels sadly believable. Lines like “That woman is making me crazy” followed by Kevin offering her a safe haven are simple, but emotionally loaded. Kevin is such a bright spot in all of this. I love how you show his care through actions and little details—rolling a joint, buying her a decent meal, offering his place as a refuge, and then that “safe haven” promise. Their pinky-swear scene and the quiet “until you’re eighteen” boundary felt so real and so human. You can feel the affection and the restraint at the same time. The dialogue is one of this story’s biggest strengths. It’s natural, distinct for each character, and full of personality. From the mother’s slurry jabs, to Helen’s concern, to Kevin and Shirley’s easy banter, every voice feels consistent and textured. The slang, the swearing, and the little period details (music, cars, KCBQ, etc.) really root us in the era without you ever needing to stop and explain it. I also really appreciated the way you wove in the setting—the smell after the rain, the pier, the parking lot, Tiki Lodge, the view of the gray Pacific. The foggy, coastal atmosphere mirrors Shirley’s emotional state beautifully: a mix of beauty, danger, and uncertainty. The ending hits hard in a quiet way. You don’t oversell it. We see Shirley finally walk out, we see her mother on the floor, and then that last image of Nick driving home through the fog, almost noticing her but not quite. “The End… Sort Of” is the perfect tag for this, because it’s clear this moment is a turning point, not a conclusion. Overall, this feels like a deeply human story about a girl on the edge of becoming someone new, told with honesty and heart. I would absolutely read more about Shirley, Kevin, and this little beach-town world if you ever choose to expand it into the series you once imagined. Thank you for sharing this glimpse into your youth and your storytelling. It lingers in the mind long after the last line. I do have a few editor suggestions (spelling, grammar, punctuation). 1. “gave reign” → idiom is “gave rein” “Curling into the fetal position, she gave reign to some quiet tears…” The usual phrase is “gave rein” (like loosening the reins on a horse). “Reign” is a common misspelling here. Style / optional tweaks (not wrong, but you might consider) These aren’t “wrong,” just things you could tweak depending on how formal or polished you want this to be. 2. Capitalization of “navy” “…I left before my senior year in 1965 to join the navy.” If you’re referring specifically to the U.S. Navy, many style guides capitalize it: “join the Navy.” 3. Hyphen for compound adjective “two block connector between Providence and Saratoga…” Grammatically cleaner as “two-block connector” when it’s an adjective before a noun. 4. Another compound adjective “…his beat up old woodie, a ’55 Ford Ranch Wagon.” Standard form would be “beat-up old woodie.” (Slang “woodie/woody” is flexible, so spelling is up to you.) 5. Song title punctuation (optional) “…then started Light My Fire. Shirley reached to turn it up.” You could put the song title in quotes: “then started ‘Light My Fire.’” That’s more formal, but it’s not required in casual narrative. 6. Semicolon vs colon (purely stylistic) “Quarter to one; the witching hour.” A colon would be a bit more conventional: “Quarter to one: the witching hour.” But the semicolon is not incorrect, just a stylistic choice. 7. “fast fourth graders” “…‘There ain’t no virgins anymore, ’cept for a couple of fast fourth graders.’” This is clearly voice and slang. If you ever wanted to formalize it, you might hyphenate “fourth-graders,” but as dialogue it’s fine as-is. Everything else reads as intentional voice, dialect, or period flavor. The main true “oops” is “gave reign” → “gave rein.” I must tell you, I edit and review a lot of authors and this is the least I have ever had to comment on, I am impressed. . Kind wishes, Tee   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 12/03/2025 @ 11:00pm EST