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Review #4846539
Viewing a review of:
 The Aurora Witch - Prologue Open in new Window. [E]
Looking for feedback on this opening for a middle grade fantasy/realism novel.
by Lea M Carrie Author Icon
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#4846539
Review by TeeGateM Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Prologue: The Raven at the Window

Oh, I loved this prologue. Truly. It has that perfect blend of whimsy, mystery, and family chaos that just sweeps you right into the story world before you even realize you’re hooked. I felt like I was sitting right there in Dr. Albert Grantham’s study with him, surrounded by perfectly organized books… and the one thing in his life that absolutely refuses to stay orderly: his children.

The kids are delightful disasters — each one with such personality that I wanted to adopt them and apologize to every nanny they’ve ever traumatized. The little hints of magic creeping into the edges were irresistible too. You sprinkle in the enchantment so naturally that it makes the moment the raven appears feel wonderfully earned, like we’ve stepped across a threshold.

And Edith’s note? Absolutely charming. I love her already — the way she communicates by raven, the humor tucked between her lines, the whole vibe of Whisper Hollow. It feels like the beginning of a journey into a slightly sideways, gently enchanted world I’d happily wander through for an entire book.

So yes… I sincerely hope I get to read the rest of this story. If the prologue is this delightful, the adventure waiting in the wings is going to be something special.

✏️ List of Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation Fixes

These are suggestions only —
1. “stack of messages” — should be “stacks of messages” if plural events are intended.
2. “He’d known he’d have to leave again from the very first sighting.”
— Slightly unclear phrasing. Consider “since the first sighting.”
3. “He’d never admit this, but some of his pranks…”
— Comma is optional; stylistic.
4. “Animals control” — text correctly says “animal control,” just noting consistency for future mentions.
Don’t have some animal and some animals.
5. “Then there were the strange things that seemed to occur around the children.”
— Long sentence after that could be broken, but not grammatically incorrect.
6. “Albert attributed these incidences…”
— Should be “incidents” not “incidences.”
7. “He’d called his sister Edith.”
— Grammar fine, but some writers put a comma after “sister.”
8. “I guess you’re, Edgar.”
— Comma unnecessary. Correct form: “I guess you’re Edgar.”
9. “Edgar.”
And there he was, talking to a bird, after one day…”
— Consider removing the period after “Edgar” and merging, but stylistic.
10. “Albert wracked his memory”
— Both wracked and racked appear in literature, but “racked his memory” is the standard idiom.
11. “Reluctantly, he took an ink pen…”
— Style note only: “ink pen” is redundant, but not incorrect.
12. “There was flutter of velvety black wings…”
— Should be “There was a flutter of velvety black wings…”

Everything else flows very cleanly.

So yes… I sincerely hope I get to read the rest of this story. If the prologue is this delightful, the adventure waiting in the wings is going to be something special.

Thanks for sharing.
Keep writing!
Kind wishes,
Tee

I hope this looks ok. I wrote it on my phone.


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