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Review #4847335
Viewing a review of:
 the morning that took him Open in new Window. [E]
Love doesn’t always arrive with fireworks; sometimes, it walks in humming a quiet tune
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#4847335
Review by TeeGateM Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Review of: The Morning That Took Him

I just finished reading this, and oh my… it touched me more than I expected. You didn’t go for big drama or sweeping declarations, and I think that’s exactly why it worked. The quiet love, the slow unfolding, the tenderness between them — it all felt so real to me.

What really struck me was how you handled the ending. You didn’t rush it or turn it into something melodramatic. You let it be gentle, the way real loss often is. When his fingers slipped from hers “like he didn’t want to disturb the morning,” that line stopped me. It was beautiful, heartbreaking, and respectful all at once.

And Eleanor’s grief… you wrote it in a way that felt honest. Not loud. Not theatrical. Just that stillness people fall into when they’re trying to understand the space someone leaves behind.

I’ll be thinking about this one for a while, as I blot my tears.
You wrote something tender and human, and I’m really glad I got to read it.

Here are a few suggestions:

“Love doesn’t always arrive with fireworks; sometimes, it walks in humming a quiet tune.”
Technically correct, but some editors will remove a comma after sometimes:
sometimes it walks in… (optional) This line is grammatically correct as written. Some editors remove the comma after sometimes for stylistic reasons, but it is not an error. Either is acceptable, and yours is perfectly fine.

“Their connection wasn’t sudden–it grew slowly,”
The double hyphen – should be an em dash or a period/semicolon:
wasn’t sudden — it grew slowly
or
wasn’t sudden. It grew slowly

“walks after closing time, conversations under the old oak by the river, silences that felt like trust.”
No error, but note this is a fragment, okay as (intentional stylistic choice).

“Through every fear, Eleanor stayed.”
Correct, though some editors insert for him: “stayed for him.” Not an error. Editors fight incomplete statements.

Eleanor,’ he whispered, ‘if love means anything… it’s being myself, even when I’m afraid.’”
Ellipses are inconsistent with earlier usage. You used … here but – elsewhere.
Not wrong; just a consistency note. You should try to be consistent.

“And then, as the light touched his face, his fingers slipped from hers–quietly,”
Again the – double hyphen should be:
slipped from hers — quietly
or
slipped from hers, quietly
(depending on emphasis)

“And that was the warmth she carried home–because it was all he had left to give.”
The – again should be an em dash or a comma:
carried home — because it was all he had left to give.
or
carried home, because…

Lovely and tender, thanks for sharing.
Keep writing.

Kind wishes,
Tee


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