\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4848063
Review #4848063
Viewing a review of:
 Negotiations Open in new Window. [E]
Flash Fiction
by Jacky Author Icon
Credit this reviewer
#4848063
Review of Negotiations  Open in new Window.
Review by FrosTIGGY ☃️ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*StarO* A review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window.*StarO*




*PenB* First Impressions:

We didn’t have a Tooth Fairy when I grew up so I got to keep all my baby teeth in a little jar, but sadly, I never got any money. The child in this story usually got the money but on this occasion wanted to keep the tooth instead. Her reasoning was very specific, as the Tooth Fairy remarked. What six year old child knows they want to be a dentist when they grow up? But the little girl here was adamant and got to keep her tooth. Her parents were even more confused than the Tooth Fairy when they found their daughter with the tooth and without the money, but very happy instead of upset.

I liked the fact that the Tooth Fairy existed in this story but the parents still expected to put up the money themselves. It was like a collaboration, similar to the one between parents and Santa, where one party pays the money and the other one gets all the credit! But if you think about it too long it makes your head hurt because here, the Tooth Fairy and the parents both seem to collect the tooth and pay the money…


*PenG* Suggestions:

I noticed one little error:

“I dreamed I wasn’t supposed to take it… is she OK?” Mom said totally confused.
You need a comma after “said” to separate the dialogue tag from the descriptive aside.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

This was a sweet story with a great main character who knew exactly what she wanted, even at her young age. Her reasons for this were delightful as well - she wanted to be like her dentist who apparently had a great way to explain about losing teeth to young children. A great read!




Shared image

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4848063