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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/newsletters/action/archives/id/10366-Pumpkin-Spice.html
Comedy: September 16, 2020 Issue [#10366]




 This week: Pumpkin Spice
  Edited by: Robert Waltz
                             More Newsletters By This Editor  

Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

Anna shuddered. "Orange is not the colour of seduction, Christopher. Orange is the colour of despair, and pumpkins.
         ― Cassandra Clare

Ah, furchte fruchte, timid Danaides! Ena milo melomon, frai is frau and swee is too, swee is two when swoo is free, ana mala woe is we! A pair of sycopanties with amygdaleine eyes, one old obster lumpky pumpkin and three meddlars on their slies.
         ― James Joyce

“Halloween colors, less or more,
are pumpkin, witch, and bloody gore.”

“You must mean orange, black, and red.”

“Indeed, that’s what I said.”

         ― Richelle E. Goodrich


Word from our sponsor

ASIN: 1945043032
Amazon's Price: $ 11.39


Letter from the editor

Just the other day, I was drinking a pumpkin spice beer, eating a pumpkin spice cheesecake, and smoking a pumpkin spice cigar, when it occurred to me that I was doing these things.

So I got to wondering just what pumpkin spice actually was. This is, I imagine, something that other people already know because they cook things and I don't, but it was new to me so I have to share it. Apparently, it's a combination of different spices for use in pumpkin pie, and it's not made of pumpkin!

Well, okay, that much I already knew. It was the actual ingredients that I was wondering about. Turns out it's:

*Cookie* cinnamon - okay, this makes sense. It's bark for bite.
*Cookie* nutmeg - for that seedy feeling
*Cookie* ginger - the root of the mixture
*Cookie* cloves - which have nothing to do with clover
*Cookie* mind control nanomachines - so we'll buy more fall-themed crap
*Cookie* allspice - for redundancy.
*Cookie* dried blood of the innocent - for immortality

Well, I suppose it's good to know exactly what one is putting into one's body in order to live a more healthy lifestyle.

Every late summer and fall here in the US, this stuff appears in every product up for sale. You can't take three steps in a grocery store without your nose being assaulted by the smell of Halloween and Thanksgiving. I went to the pharmacy for my annual flu shot and they asked me, "Regular or pumpkin spice?"

I guess it puts some people in the mood for the end of summer, as if watching all the leaves falling off the trees and flowers withering into brown crumbles weren't enough.

And so you also get articles like this one, singing the praises of and/or condemning the ubiquity of this particular spice blend. But despite my sarcasm here, I don't really mind it all that much. I figure if you like it, eat it (or drink it or mainline it, whatever), and if you don't, then don't.

At least it usually delays the appearance of Santa Claus, who really shouldn't be showing his ruddy face until November at the earliest.


Editor's Picks

Some funnies to spice up your day:

 The Last Fly  [13+]
The Last Fly came...
by morelin


 Diary of a cat sitter  [E]
Reports to owner on status of couch potato cat and it's domain by the cat sitter
by Lily Moquerie


 
MALLARD  [E]
A brief poem
by J.L. O'Dell


 Cats Versus Kids  [13+]
A lighthearted look at cats and children
by Scottiegazelle


 The Witch of Almarra  [ASR]
Beware the sorceress of the dunes
by Arakun the Twisted Raccoon


 A First  [E]
Mom always wanted me to first at something.
by Sailor M


 my new firpensmaggle  [E]
yes, this is supposed to be nonsense. firpensmaggle is not a real word or thing.
by Rhyssa


Celebrity Tree  [18+]
"Sleepy Hollow's" tree speaks out...a 2017 Quill Award Winner
by Jim Hall

 
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Word from Writing.Com

Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
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Don't forget to support our sponsor!

ASIN: B07P4NVL51
Product Type: Toy
Amazon's Price: $ 12.40


Ask & Answer

Last time, in "Immortality, I discussed the Comedy approach to immortality.

Robert Edward Baker : Thank you for plugging my leprechaun poem in your historic and philosophical comedy newsletter. [Submitted item: "Mary Meets Little Bill [13+]]

         Thanks for the extra verse!


🌓 HuntersMoon : Next you'll be telling me that "old as the hills" is a boob joke. I don't know about you, Bob. *Laugh* Thanks for the smile...

         After a while, everything becomes a boob joke.


BBWOLF - Thistle the Paladin : The last joke will be "Guess he had a case of bad gas."

         You're probably right about that.


So that's it for me for September! See you next month. Until then,

PUMPKIN SPICE ON!!!

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