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| Almost everyone has a few secrets they don't share with others. Some people have many secrets. A few have deep, dark secrets. All secrets have costs, but they have benefits, too. Understanding the psychology of secrets can be a useful tool for authors. |
Everyone has secrets.
Well, almost everyone. Some people might not have a âdark secret,â but most people have experiences or thoughts they choose not to share with others. In fact, secrets seem to be a part of the human experience. Researchers recently polled over fifty thousand subjects from around globe and found that, on average, people keep thirteen secrets, five of which they have told to no one.
In this essay, weâre going to discuss some modern perspectives from psychology about secrets. We'll conclude with why this is important to authors and some examples of fictional characters who have secrets.
Having a secret
If you have a secret, then you have the intention to withhold information from one or more other people. Notice having a secret is thus making an internal decision that involves two things:
1) a specific bit of information; and
2) the specific people with whom you will or will not share that information.
This is slightly different from privacy, where you will share information based on how close someone is to you and their "need to know." For example, you might share your financial information with your spouse, your bookkeeper, or your children, but not with others for reasons of privacy. On the other hand, if youâve squandered your childâs college fund on sports car, that might be a secret youâd decide to keep from everyone.
Can animals keep secrets? We know, for example, that animals will bury food. Does this mean they have secrets?
Having a secret involves an internal theory of the mind, an understanding that you know things that others do not. Just because animals bury food, this doesnât mean they have this understanding. In fact, without going into details, ingenious experiments involving chimpanzees' mating habits seem to suggest that, while their behaviors are contextual, they do not exhibit this kind of understanding. On the other hand, many dog owners tell tales of their pets trying to conceal bad behavior. However, the plural of anecdote is not data, as the saying goes. In any case, the jury is out on whether or not animals can have a secret in the same way humans do.
CLever experiments with human infants, however, conclusively show that newborns do not have this understanding, this theory of the mind. In humans, these experiments reveal that this kind understanding first appears between the fifteenth and sixteenth month after birth. So it's an emergent trait, like, say, male pattern baldness which appears much later in life but is still genetically determined.
This theory of the mind involves not only realizing that you know and think things that others do not, but that the reverse is also true. It's not only what lets us have secrets, it's part of what makes us human. Itâs also, at least in part, the source of positive human traits like empathy.
Keeping a Secret
Having a secret is different from keeping a secret. You can have a secret when you are alone in room and no one else is around. Keeping a secret, however, involves a social interaction. In order to keep a secret, you have to monitor and modify your interactions with other people. You have to deceive the people from whom you withhold the information, either directly or indirectly.
Itâs instructive to consider some examples. You might, for example, have romantic thoughts about someone other than your partner. If these are fleeting, you might share them as an amusing anecdote, or you might find them so trivial as to be not worth sharing, or you might not reveal them to spare your partnerâs feelings. In any case, youâd be making a decision about the secrecy of these thoughts and modifying your behavior accordingly.
If youâve done something youâre ashamed ofâlike spending your childâs college fund or having an affairâyou might keep that a secret to avoid disapproval or other adverse consequences.
Another example might involve a closeted gay person. By being âcloseted,â such a person has the intention to keep their sexuality secret, i.e., not reveal it to everyone. Being âclosetedâ is certainly on a spectrum: such a person might share their secret with no one, or only with their intimate partner or partners, or only with some other exclusive group. But again, the intention and the action are different things and the action likely involves implementing complex social strategies.
You might have a goal that you decide to keep secret, since admitting it seems inappropriate or inadvisable for some reason. For example, when I first joined Writing.Com, I was also an academic dean at the University of Oklahoma which has a well-respected writing program. I thought my goal of writing publishable fiction was presumptuous and was pretty sure the experts in that writing program with think so, too. Thus, I kept my fiction writing a secret and ultimately used a pen name.
For a final example, you might be doing something that you think you shouldnât be doing. Maybe you have a secret stash of Twixt bars hidden away in your desk that you munch on in private. They taste marvelous, but that just seems self-indulgent and not something you want others to know about. In this case, you modify social behaviors by keeping that secret drawer closed when others are in the room and never gorging on that sweet, sweet candy except when you are alone.
The Consequences of Secrecy
Psychological research into secrecy reveals that there are three dimensions to every secret.
1) An ethical dimension;
2) A relationship dimension;
3) An aspirational dimension.
The ethical dimension includes, for example, things that are illegal, involve cheating, or cause harm. They also involve things that the person having the secret considers unethical or immoral.
The relationship dimension involves things that directly relate to oneâs relationships with others. This might include infidelity, relationship conflicts, or keeping someone elseâs secrets.
The aspirational dimension involves things that relate to oneâs personal or professional goals and ambitions. These might include financial aspirations, career goals, or personal achievements that are not shared with others.
Each secret falls somewhere, from low to high, on each of these dimensions. Understanding where a particular secret falls on these dimensions can help explain the impact of having a secret on oneâs emotional health and well-being. For example, secrets high in the ethical dimension could evoke shame or guilt, while relationship-oriented secrets could result in social isolation or anxiety.
Keeping a secret imposes a burden since it involves monitoring and modifying social interactions. But the secret is with us even when weâre alone. Research suggests that itâs the burden of having a secret thatâs heaviest. Itâs that time when youâre alone and youâre brooding over the secret and its consequences, that guilt, or shame, or isolation begin to take their toll. Research shows that higher-dimensional secrets result in reduced physical and mental health, lower life satisfaction, and more isolation.
Revealing a secret
Revealing a secret to a trusted friend can have positive outcomes. Sharing the secret can mitigate the relationship dimension, assuming the friend respects your wishes. If youâve chosen your confidant well, they will likely respond with compassion and provide positive support, which could reduce the burden. Research shows that sharing a secret strengthens the social bonds with your confidant, another positive outcome. These positive benefits are, in part, the reason that many religions involve an aspect of confession, and why the confidentiality of such confessions are legally protected.
Of course, there are potential negative consequences to revealing your secret. Itâs well known that one technique used by cults is to extract secrets from novitiates, and then use the threat of revealing the secret as a coercive tool to compel continued cult membership. Revealing a secret to the wrong person, or having a nefarious person discover a secret, can certainly have adverse consequences.
Are secrets bad?
Having a secret can be a burden and have adverse consequences. But having a secret, forming the intention, necessarily involves a reason. That means that thereâs also a benefit to having the secret. Each secret is different, with different benefits and burdens. As with everything else, balancing those is a personal decision.
Thereâs no question that sharing secrets strengthens social bonds. Your spouse doubtless knows things about you that no one else knows, and vice versa. You each keep the otherâs secrets as part of the trust you share in each other. Keeping your spouseâs secrets has enormous positive benefits, and revealing those secrets would have equally enormous negative consequences. In most cases, that makes the choice simple.
Other secrets involve other trade-offs. Remember, on average people have five secrets theyâve told no one. That means most people have decided, at least for now, that the benefits of keeping secrets outweighs the costs.
Secrets and Fiction
There are, of course, many examples of protagonists with secret identities--think Superman or Spiderman. That's different from having a secret, though. In The Portrait of Dorian Gray, the protagonist has made a secret pact with the Devil, and the portrait is the hidden evidence of his depravity. The plot of Much Ado About Nothing is driven by multiple secrets and deceptions. Hitchcock's characters often had secrets. In movies like North By Northwest or Vertigo, the secrets the characters keep are at the heart of the plot.
Indeed, North by Nothwest in particular is a web of secrets, from the contents of Vandamm's microfilm (all we learn is that they are "government secrets"), to the double identity of Eve Kendall, to the non-existent--but secret!--George Kaplan. Even the title refers to a line from Hamlet in which the eponymous character is saying, in essence, he chooses when to seem mad. Of course, Hamlet has a secret, too, that he's planning revenge for the murder of his father, and he feigns madness to hide his secret.
Timing when to reveal the secret is critical to the dramatic effect. In Sixth Sense, we learn young Cole's secret early on, but we only get hints that his therapist, Malcolm, even has a secret, let alone what it might be. When his secret finally is revealed, the impact sends shivers down your spine.
The Bourne Identity is all about secrets, for another example. In an intriguing twist on the meme, the protagonist doesn't know his identity, and those who do know want to keep it that way.
The point is that characters and their secrets are everywhere once you think to look for them. As a plot device, they naturally include the trifecta of goals, stakes, and obstacles, which work together to create tension. Since tension is the engine that drives your plot, secrets and those who have them are an invaluable tool. Understanding the personal and psychology toll of secrets, the dangers and benefits of sharing secrets, and the consquences of exposing secrets is essential to using secrets in your writing.
If people have, on average, five secrets they have told to no one, you might consider writing down those five secrets for your protagonist. The reasons for those secrets might be based on incorrect assumptions--think of Othello's mistaken belief that Desdemona has been unfaithful. Such an incorrect assumption might lead to tragedy, as in Othello, or to comedy, as happens in various ways in North by Northwest.
Everyone has secrets. Even you. Even me. It's why we have them and what we do about them that matters. In my case, well, at the moment that drawer in my desk that's full of sweet, sweet delights is calling to meâŚ
References:
Cody Cotter, "Top Secrets," Discover, July/August 2025. 51.
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For Authors: July 30, 2025 Issue [#13265]
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