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Comedy: January 09, 2019 Issue [#9315]

 This week: You're Doing it Wrong
  Edited by: Robert Waltz
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Therefore, a person should first be changed by a teacher's instructions, and guided by principles of ritual. Only then can he observe the rules of courtesy and humility, obey the conventions and rules of society, and achieve order.
         -Xun Kuang

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You're doing it wrong.

I'm sure you've encountered articles explaining how we're all doing some common activity incorrectly. There's a veritable plethora of them.

You're walking wrong  .

You're running wrong  .

And if you're not moving, you're sitting wrong  .

You're definitely parenting wrong  

In fact, pick any common thing - preferably something that we evolved specifically to do, such as walking, running, sitting, or caring for offspring, and you'll find a slew of internet articles explaining just how the author knows better than instincts instilled by billions of years of evolution.

Now, I'm not saying there's never room for improvement, even with something as simple as freaking breathing  . That's right, the one thing that all land animals do all the time so they don't die, and you're definitely not doing it right.

But you know what the tipping point was for me? It was when I saw a video - no, I'm not going to link it - saying that we're all eating bananas wrong.

Look, dude, we're apes. And if there's one thing - one thing - that an ape can't possibly mess up, it's eating a damn banana.

I don't know what's driving these articles. Being a cynic, I'll suggest maybe there's a push by advertisers to make sure that, no matter where you are in life, they need us to feel like you're missing something, to be frustrated. They can't let you be content to just be, because how then will they sell their products that are guaranteed to make your life so much better?

But maybe that's too cynical, even for me. More likely, the writers, facing a deadline, crap out articles about whatever pops into their little heads.

*Angelic* Not that I have any personal experience with that, of course. *Whistle*

If so, I've got some words for you, writers:

You're doing it wrong.

Just some funnies for you:

 The Piper Chronicles  [E]
Pied and Peter Piper Limericks
by Oasis

 Cook outs and Lynchings  [13+]
short satire about bar bee ques
by halfwright

 K-9 Confessions  [E]
Secrets my dog keeps from me!
by PandaPaws; VET TECH in 2020!

 Gardening: Why Hubby Can't Weed  [E]
A mixture of life at my house blended with flora and fauna characters opining on events.
by PENsive is Meemaw x 3!

 Rodger Sullivan's Epitaph  [13+]
A short story written about Rodger Sullivan, a man who can't stop getting hit by lightning
by RMM

 Profundity?  [E]
In humor, there is profundity.
by Hollow Furnace

 Poop is Okay  [ASR]
A poem about the connotation of words in our language.
by Coupe

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Last time, in "The Darkness, I talked about the humor inherent in despair. Naturally, it was too depressing for comments, but there were a few from my previous newsletter, "Windows.

Leigh Haggard : I liked your window story, sounds like my luck.

If you need help coming up with new curse words I'm always making up new things to say!

Good vibrations,


         I'm always in the market for new and creative obscenities.

WhatasIn the In Between : I didn't comment on your windows issue nsl? Crap. I forgot. My bad! It had me laughing and reading it out loud to my mother. I had the same issue with this weird valve located in my steering column. But it made this noise like air going out of a balloon, and was coming from the gas pedal. It was SUCH a mystery. Finally someone figured it out. Not fun. Oddly enough I have another damn noise in my steering column, but it's a bad gasket, only they insist I tell them which one it is! What?! Only does it in Summer *Headbang* But I got a video of it *Smirk2* Soon they'll be taking apart the entire column... I'lll tell em to look for any other worn parts as well. A lemon steering column *Think*

         Sounds like you got

         *Smile* *Right* *Cool*


And that's it for me for January! Have a laughter-filled 2019! Until next time,


*Bullet* *Bullet* *Bullet* Don't Be Shy! Write Into This Newsletter! *Bullet* *Bullet* *Bullet*

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