the lie

dealing with my niece finding the scares that are on my wrist

The lie
7/17/06

The razor put back on the end table
The napkin in my hand
Cleaning away the red poison
Trying to find a reason

No longer done because of pain
Nor for reasons that I can explain
The numbing feeling that it brings
The noises through my ears start to ring

The scars visible and obvious
Looks from strangers that see
The feeling of guilt and pride
It makes me just want to scream

But then the innocence of a child
The questions from the young
Broke me down so easily
Just wanted to know where the scars came from

I couldn’t answer her honestly
It tore me apart
I had to look at her and lie
And she never even realized

The razor has stayed on the end table
I hope it will never leave
I don’t want to explain to my child
What it felt like to only want to be free