Nothing Else Matters

Arlene is dying. She is trying to make the most of what is left...

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS
By: Nandra

Memorial Hospital-Dr. Miles’ office
“Arlene… Something has gone wrong…” Dr. Miles stared at her. But she just sat there with the test papers under her nose with tears streaming down her face, smudging her thick black mascara. Her long brown hair covered most of her face. She doesn’t care anymore. She might as well just cut her wrist off and die, instead of facing this fact and sitting here in this antiseptic-smelled room with her mother sobbing like crazy.
Lynn Jones, her mother just can’t stop sobbing and blowing her nose. Her dad, Ryan Jones was crying for the first time. “Umm, what exactly is happening here, doctor?” her dad asked.
“Well, there are too much white blood cells in Arlene’s bone marrow. And it is decreasing the amount of her red blood cells and platelets. You are familiar with leukemia, right?” Dr. Miles asked all of them. Arlene nodded, her mom sobbed even more and her dad didn’t say a word. Feeling the awkward silence, Dr. Miles opened his mouth again, “So, uhh, I have detected acute lymphoblastic leukemia. If she wants to survive, she needs to undergo chemotherapy... That’s the only choice you have. I still don’t know the cost of…”
Arlene stared at the bone diagram in front of her. Trying to read the labels… Until her vision becomes a blur and she can barely heard what Dr. Miles is saying…

I stared at my ceiling in the dark. It has those beautiful glow-in-the-dark stars I bought at the flea market. It was all over the ceiling. My brother helped me put it up years ago. Those stars stared at me, as if they knew what I’m going through. They just stared and stared, watching my tears flow like a river. I closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep.
Morning, home.
“Mornin’ Mom…” I said as I walked lazily down the stairs. “Hey, baby. It’s a bit late for morning isn’t it? It’s already eleven…” She said as she stared at me from those sad eyes. I nodded and walked towards the kitchen and followed mom to the dining room. I can see my brother and my dad watching The Jay Leno Show.
“Good morning, sis! How’re you feeling?” my brother, Kyle asked. I tried to form a little smile on my face and said, “I’m good, I guess…” Mom stared deeply at me from her morning paper. She’s practically the reason we can pay the rent. She works at a law firm. While dad, he usually sit around drinking 3 cans of beer each day.
Mom hasn’t been okay ever since she got the news. When she found out our insurance can’t cover my chemotherapy, she’s been breaking down. I can hear her cry in the bathroom and I think she smokes again. Hey, I’m the only one in this house who can have cancer, no one else!
Dad has also changed. He’s been more sensitive and I think he’s trying to apply for a job. I saw him in front of the computer writing a job application. It’s a good start for him. He’s been an alcoholic after he got fired from the printing company. He nearly killed my brother once while he was drunk and driving. He got into rehabilitation for a while but that still didn’t change him. I guess knowing that his dying daughter is very miserable is the only thing that can change him.
“I’m going to go to Claire’s for lunch, okay, mom?” I whispered to her ear and go back upstairs. I got dressed and stare at myself in the mirror. I stared at her, she has long brown hair with blond highlights, deep blue eyes, skinny cheeks, thinning hair… I stared and asked to myself, is that me?
Tears streamed down my cheek for the millionth time. Knowing that my road is bout to reach a dead end is the hardest thing ever. But then Kyle knocked on my door and came in. He hugged me so tight, I couldn’t breathe. “Arlene, snap out of it. What happened to the toughest girl I know? You can do this, Arlene… I promise…” I got out of his arms and wiped my tears with the back of my hand, “I’m scared, Kyle…” I sat at the edge of my bed, hugging my knees.
“What are you scared of?”
“Of not making the best of my life… I’m scared that I leave this world sooner than I thought… and then I will… regret things…”
“So, you’re telling me, that you’re scared of regret?”
“More like, death…”
“Do you remember that time when we were eight?” Kyle said, staring deeply into my eyes, “Dad build us a tree house and you were scared to climb up that tree…”
“Well, yea… That was a big tree…”
“But you climbed it, right? You finally got to the top and you conquered your fear of heights…”
“Yea, I did…”
“Well, what you’re facing now is similar. The tree is just bigger and taller, probably harder to climb…”
“And your point is… what exactly?” I asked, not really getting it.
“Just do what you love, and make every minute, every second of your life the most.” He concluded. That was the most useful advice he has ever given me. He then got up and walked to the door. “Oh, yea… Just so you know, I will always be there for you, OK?” He said before getting out of my room. I nodded and gave him the biggest smile...

Noon, Claire’s House
“Hey, ‘Lene! What’s up?” Claire hugged me as she opened the door. We then went straight up to Claire’s room. I’ve known Claire since Kindergarten; I can’t believe I have to tell the bad news to her. After we finished doing our nails, we ate some cold pizza. “Claire, I have something really important to tell you…” I said, putting down my pizza.
“What is it? Are you pregnant?” She asked, with a big grin across her face.
“No! It’s worst than that!” I said and Claire’s smile fades away. “I’m… Well, I have… I’m dying Claire…”
“Wha…?” Claire stared at me with her mouth open.
“It’s leukemia, the doctor told me a few days ago.”
“A few days ago?! How few until you didn’t even tell me?! You should’ve told me! I’m your best friend for God’s sake!”
“Look, Claire! It’s really hard for me now! I couldn’t take it at first. I couldn’t tell anyone because I can’t face this! I’m seventeen and I’m dying! I don’t even know if I can make it to the prom! I’m scared, Claire… I’m scared…” I broke off in tears and cover my face with my hands. I forgot what Kyle has told me in a fraction of a second.
Claire holds my hand and said, “I’m sorry, ‘Lene… I don’t know what it’s like. Aren’t you in chemotherapy or something?” I grabbed some tissues and blow my nose. “Nope. Our insurance can’t cover the cost.” I paused, “I want to live life Claire. I want to have it all before I’m not here anymore, ya know. I want to be there with the team when soccer championship comes up, go to the prom…” I covered my face again and cried. Claire hugged me, I can feel her tears streaming down to my neck…

School, 2 weeks later.
“What do you have next, Arlene?” Claire asked as I leaned on the locker door. I shrugged, “English, I guess…” I haven’t felt like myself lately. My head feels like it’s weighing a ton. I don’t know if I can take this anymore. “Lene, hello?! Earth to Arlene…!” Claire waved her had in front of me. “Let’s go! The bell’s ringing!”
I walked slowly to my English class. “Oh, I almost forgot. I can’t come to the mall later, I’ve got soccer practice and Coach Jeffrey is killing us! Ok, Lene, I gotta run, I’ve got chemistry! See you later!” The next thing I know she has disappeared from my eyes. “Oh, that geek!” I said to myself. Damn, I feel so weak…
I looked around the hallway, there’s no one else there. I stopped and leaned on the wall. I tried walking again. But, no, I can’t. Everything went blurry. The next thing I know, I’ve fallen into someone’s arms and heard that person shouting…

School Clinic.
“Oh, you’re finally up.” Someone said. It’s a guy, sitting next to my bed, reading Guitar World. His hazel eyes met mine. “Hi, I’m Joel.” He said, offering his hand and smiled. Wow, killer smile. I shook his hand and introduced myself. “Are you here just because you want to cut class?” I asked, teasing him. I also smiled. It’s the first time I actually smiled.
“Nope. Well, not really. Mr. Gibbs is absent anyway. So…” he answered.
“Oh, right. Good, then.” I replied. God, that was stupid and, awkward.
“Ehm, sorry for interrupting,” the Nurse came in with my pills. “How’re you feeling, Arlene?” I can feel my face burning.
“Better, I guess.”
“Here are your pills, honey. I’ve called your mom. She’ll be here as soon as possible.”
“Thank you.” I thanked the nurse.
I turned to Joel, he was packing up his bag. “So, I guess I’ll see you around.” He said as he walked to the door. “It was nice meeting you.” I said to him. He nodded and walked out the door.
Home.
I sat on my chair, wondering how this little piece of note ended up in my bag. It says:
Call me.
Don’t keep me waiting. x)
-joel-
That tiny piece of paper was crushed under my books. I finally manage to read the number at the edge of the paper and dialed the number. A cheerful voice of a woman picked up the phone, “Hello, Sanders’ residence.”
“Hi, can I, uhh, speak to Joel, please?” I said in a staggered voice, what if I dialed the wrong number? What if it was just some kind of joke? My head was filled with ‘what ifs’ I forgot I was holding a phone to my ear. The ‘what ifs’ thought leaves as the jolly woman’s voice turned into a deep voice, “Hello?” the voice said.
“Um, is this Joel?” I asked, still unsure about the voice the phone.
“Well, it’s not Travis Barker obviously.” Boy, he got one sense of a humor.
“Ha-ha, humor me… So, uh, what’s up?” Woa, I sound stupid. How many years has it been since I talked to a boy? He answered me with some gibberish language I don’t understand. “Ok, alien, earth language, please?”
“Which earth language? I can speak Spanish, French and English.”
“Anything…”
“Well, querida… I’d like to ask you for a cup of coffee?”
“Uh-huh. I don’t drink coffee.”
“Fine how ‘bout herbal tea?”
“Right. An emo guy like you drinks herbal tea?”
“Don’t judge the book by its cover, honey.” Did he just call me honey?
“O-okay. When and where?”
“Pick you up at your house on Saturday. Around 3 o’clock.”
“Sure, I’ve got no plans.” I jumped off my bed, feeling very joyful. I forgot about everything. About my pills, about whatever it is that’s going on in my body. And I almost forgot about the person on the phone. “So, uh, are you feeling any better?” He asked. I stopped cheering and answered him immediately. “Yeah, I am…”
“Care to tell me what happen?”
“Not now, I’m not ready yet…” My mood dropped as he asked that question. Why did he have to say it? “Oh, right. That bad, huh?”
“Let’s change the subject, I’ll tell you everything on Saturday…”
“Sure. Sure. So, uh…”
We talked and talked that night. It seems like another world when I’m talking to him. It’s like there’s a connection. Whenever I’m with him, even on the phone, nothing else mattered anymore. It seems like it’s only me and Joel in this world. And there is nothing this ‘world’ from spinning…

The park, Saturday
“So, you promised me a story.” Joel sat down next to me and handed me an ice cream. “Really? I did?” I said, pretending not to remember our conversation. He nodded his head and continued eating his ice cream. “Well, you see… Ok, I’ll get straight to the point. I’m, uh, not going to be here any longer…” He stopped eating his ice cream and turned to me, “As in… Leaving the town or something?”
“No, I’m not gonna be here, in this world…” I finally have the guts to look at him in the eye. “The doctor diagnosed me with leukemia a few weeks ago. I could’ve been in chemotherapy but our insurance can’t cover the cost. So, here I am…” Me eyes are filled with tears now. I looked up at the sky to prevent it from falling. I can’t believe I told Joel about this. I mean, we only met a few days ago…
“What are you going to do now? I mean, with your life…”
“Make the most of it, I guess. Spend it with everyone I love…”
“Yea, my brother died because of cancer too… But I wasn’t aware enough to fulfill his wishes.” I looked at him with disbelieve.
“Oh, I’m sorry… I had no idea…”
“Well, my brother and I, we didn’t get along so well… Since he and mom left dad and me… He said he wanted a Fender Strat, it was his lifelong obsession. But since mom eventually died, he lost hope. He felt so guilty of mom’s death, he committed suicide. I bought him a Fender Strat already, white, his favorite color.” He paused, staring at the sky, “When I got to his house, he was lying there, with a needle on his arms… I locked myself at home for weeks, feeling guilty. If only I was with him long before he died. To be there and encourage him that there is more to life out there…”
I stared at Joel for quite a long time. Never knew he went through all that. “So, do you have a wish, before you leave?”
“Hmm…” I paused to think of what I want, “Ok, I have three…”
“Try me, what is it?”
“Umm, I want to do charity work, so that I know I did good things for other people. I want to go to the prom… And… I want to die at this park…”
“Wha…?” he looked at me with doubt, “that last wish, why at this park?”
“Well, it has history, this park.” I paused and looked around the view of the park, “This is where my brother introduced me to soccer, where my parents met, where I met my best friend, Claire, when we were in Kindergarten and… where I can speak right from my heart with a certain someone that I can totally relate…” I stared at him deeply as I finished the last sentence.
He smiled. Yes, that killer smile I loved. He leaned over and kissed me softly. “I shall fulfill your wishes, mi princessa… I promise…” His hazel eyes met mine for the millionth time. “You speak Spanish?” I asked him in doubt.
“Well, I dated a few girls…”
“Bull!” I punched his arm and laughed, the most joyous laugh I’ve ever heard.
“Ok, my grandpa is from Mexico and…”
Just like on the phone, we talked for hours that day. Yes, nothing else mattered anymore. It was just me and him…

School. The next few weeks
“Hey, Claire…” I asked during lunch time. Claire was munching her salad and reading the latest Elle Girl magazine, “Yea, what is it?”
“Who’s that, the girl with Joel Sanders?” I asked, mentioning the tall blonde girl in a cheerleader outfit. Who has her arms around Joel… “Oh, that. That’s Brianna. Why is she holding Joel like that? Isn’t he supposed to be with you?” Well, that answered everything. I ‘oh’-ed her answer and stared at Joel. That jerk, that liar!
I turned back to Claire and saw her with her mouth open. “C’mon, Lene let’s get out of here…” I walked passed Joel as I got out the cafeteria. I finally have the guts to go to him. Even though Claire gripped my arms and tried to drag me away.
“You liar!” I yelled as I face him, staring at him, then Brianna, “I hate you…” I hissed and tried not to cry. “Arlene, it’s not like that…!” he ran towards me and grabbed my arm, “Let me go!” I jerked my arm from his grip.
“She’s not my…”
“Hey, whatever, okay! Just leave her alone! You’ve hurt her enough!” Claire said, shoving him away from us. We then left the cafeteria with people staring at us and Joel in confusion…
Home, later at night
I stared at the girl in the mirror. I’ve never seen her look so dead. She has no life and she isn’t who she used to be. She used to be so strong, tough, the girls’ soccer MVP, now, she’s just dead. She’s been hurt by someone she thought she could trust. Stabbed. Ripped. Shattered.
I can’t help it. I lost it. I forgot about what Kyle said to me or even Joel. Yea, nothing matters anymore. NOTHING whatsoever…
I grabbed my pills and took a handful of them. I didn’t know what I was thinking. I just want to end it. I want this whole thing to be over. I can’t go through the pain anymore.
A few moments later I heard someone banging the door. “Just a second, I’ll be right out!” I shouted. I splashed some water over my face and went out the door. “Whoa! Wha-what’re you doing here?” I asked the guy in front of me, the one with the emo brown hair, Joel. “I let myself in.” He said, another killer smile, ready to kill myself inside. “Are you ok, Arlene?” he asked. So, he still remembered my name.
I tried to look at him in his eyes but it went all blurry. “Arlene, you look a little pale…” he asked, worried.I answered coldly, “Didn’t I tell you to leave me alone?!”
I walked to my room not minding Joel. A few moments later, I fell flat facing the floor halfway to the door…

Memorial Hospital, a few hours later
I opened my eyes, where am I? I can see my mother sleeping on the chair. I called for her, she immediately hugged me and cried, “Arlene! Oh, my baby…” She sobbed exactly like when we met Dr. Miles. “Mom, what happened…?” I asked.
“You overdosed, why?” Someone answered me. Not mom, Joel… His hazel eyes stared at me. I can see disappointment across his face. I shook my head, I can’t answer him. I can’t answer anyone right now. I just realized how foolish I’ve been…

Youth Cancer Center, the next day
How I got here, ask Joel. He dragged me from home at 10 in the morning. He didn’t tell me where we are going to go. So now, here I am, standing on the stage, trying to deliver a speech. Everyone in this room is staring at me. “Umm, hi, everyone…” I break the silence and cleared my throat, before continuing again, “Well, I am here because of someone, Joel Sanders. Also because, umm, I have cancer and tried to attempt suicide… And that was the worst decision I have ever made, aside from buying the dorkiest shoe at WalMart.” I laughed and everyone in the room laughed with me. I felt like that was the most soulful laugh I’ve ever heard from me. “A few weeks ago, a doctor diagnosed me with leukemia. I could’ve got chemotherapy, but our insurance cannot cover the cost. Since then on, my life has changed. I used to be in the girls’ soccer team, but now I can only sit and watch the other girls play. And I knew that was it. Yesterday, I practically finished all my pills all at once, and I overdosed. Partially because someone played with my feelings…” I paused and stared at Joel, “I wanted to end it right at that moment. I want to leave everything behind. But then at the hospital, I saw people I really cared about were disappointed at me. Then I realized, I wanted to end my life, with doing all the things I ever dreamed of, in happiness and with people I love. Also, the heck with that person who hurt me! Why should I care when I’ve got other things more important? Right now, nothing else mattered to me. All that matter is me to leave this world happily, with no burden at all… It goes to all of you, I know what you’re going through, and I wish you all the best…”
I stepped off the stage and everyone cheered. “One down, two to go…” Joel whispered as I sat on the seat next to him. He then dragged me out of the room. “Arlene, please, I can’t take this anymore, let me explain!”
“Explain what? Exactly?” I said, half-shouted, actually.
“Look, Brianna isn’t my girlfriend! She’s my cousin! She’s just pretending to be my girlfriend so her psycho ex won’t bother him anymore!” He explained and leaned over at me. I pushed him away from me. I still doubt him…
“Arlene, please… this is killing me! I really love you… Please…”
“How can I be sure?”
“Please come to the prom with me…” he took my hand and squeezed it. “I’m trying to fulfill your wish. I promised you, remember…? I wouldn’t do it if I lie to you… Please…” He had tears in his eyes. He did promise me…
I nodded and he hugged me, more like, squeezing me, as if he will never let me go…

Home, a few days before the prom
I ran straight to my bed and found the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen. It’s colored baby blue, floor length and it was backless. “I knew you’d love it, dear…” I practically jumped to see dad in my doorway, with a suit! “Dad, I love it very much! Thank you!” I hugged him. I can smell his aftershave. I can’t smell beer anymore… “Listen Arlene, I wasn’t being number one dad. I was the worst. I’m sorry, Arlene. I hope I can make it up to you…” he said.
“You don’t have to dad. I’ll always love you…”
“Me, too, Arlene… Always…” I can feel his tears dropping to my hair…

PROM!!
“Okay, Valley High are you knocked out yet?!” one member of the band asked to the crowed, followed by the shouting of seniors, even teachers. “Okay, I’ve got a request from Joel Sanders. Where is he?” Everyone shouted and called for Joel. He was trying to keep it cool in front of me. That freak!
“Slow down, everyone… This song is dedicated to Joel’s one and only Arlene. This is ‘Nothing Else Matters’” I stared at him, he was blushing alright! The drummer of the band changed his position to the piano. Playing a slow melody… “Care for a dance, my lady?” Joel bowed and offered his hand. “As you wish…” I whispered to him.
He holds me so close. I could feel him breathing on my neck. We were drained by the music… Everyone was…

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
[Nothing else matters/Metallica]

The park, a few weeks later
“Joel, hold me…” Arlene asked, they are sitting under that tree, the very one where they first had their conversation. “Do you know that somehow people can know when they’re going to die?”
“Not really… Do you?” he said in a soft voice.
“I don’t know… Maybe, I’m not sure…” she replied in a very weak voice. It wasn’t exactly the reply he was expecting.
“Arlene…” Joel’s voice is starting to shake.
“Hold me tighter, Joel… Please…” she asked him, it was her last favor. And he did. He held her like he will never let him go. As if someone is going to take her away from his embrace. “I think I’m tired now, Joel… Can I rest on your shoulder?”
Joel’s tears are starting to fall, slowly. He granted her wish… He can feel every breath Arlene took. Including her very last one…
***
***
Those memories played like a film without a sound in Joel’s head. He hated the atmosphere at Arlene’s funeral. In gloom and mourn. Kyle is holding Claire by the hand, trying to calm her down. Mrs. Jones is still sobbing over Arlene’s tombstone. While Mr. Jones hold his wife, trying to control her emotions. It wasn’t only Arlene’s close ones who came to the funeral. There were some people from the Youth Cancer Center.
Somehow, he didn’t cry that morning. It’s like someone told him not to. When they lowered her coffin, people threw roses in. Yes, he too threw a rose, and a piece of paper. A paper in which a song, Nothing Else Matters is written. It’s their song. That Joel will never forget.

*THE END*