Starve.

About my view of myself.

and she carved 'Starve'
into her shaking left thigh.
for extra support from herself
for more punishment for her sins.
blood trickling down
in silent laughter at her falter.

"how long has it been,"
she asked herself.,
"since my last encounter
with my alter, self mutilating, ego?"
scissor on skin - guilt released.

invisible or unnoticed?
both irrelevant to what
you're feeling towards yourself.
your mind - your body.
microscopic. minute.
miniscule changes in your image.
'will they notice?'
'will they care?'

it (costs) too much
to care for you.
it hurts too badly
to need you,
to want you,
to want you to care.

bang,
thwack.P
break.

wrist hitting the surface
of that old, wooden table.
leaving bruises of
mass proportion.
swollen arm screaming for
attention.
although it's never heard.

toxicity filling me.
suffocating desperation.
squeeze the life out of me.