It's not suicide... it's...

I started feeling that I don't belong to this world anymore.

I've been trying to understand it, for the last days I have been on a prision of my own despair. Finally I got to the conclusion that I have fallen into madness. At any time of the day, or the night I would break down into tears and sobbing, constantly shaking, covered in cold sweat, not able to controll my erratical movements, just trying to scream out loud, how much I hate this world, and everyone in it, but not a single word will come out of me. My family has always loved me, and yet, I'm sure I hate them, and I want them dead.

A few years ago, there was one thing, and one thing only that would mean a reason to keep myself in this world, someone that is. I won't say her name, but she was all I had, and now she is gone. There's no reason for me to stay in this world anymore, but I can't take my own life, not by myself. After a lot of thinking, I know I'm not insane, I know I'm just bored.

All I want now is to stop suffering and leave this world, I won't call it suicide, I'll call it euthanasia.