If I could

If I could I would but I can't so I don't but want to but I won't.

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If I could write you a letter and leave it in your sock drawer for you to open right now,
I’d say how much I’m sorry for what I did.
I’d say I really blew it, screwed it up.
I’d say why I wasn’t happy with your perfect self.
I’d write about when I made that fatal mistake,
What it did to my life.

If I could write you a story and read it to the world while you listen right now,
I’d tell how much I miss you.
I’d cry as I speak why I did what I did.
I’d talk about our story.
I’d live our story out.
I’d weep about the change,
How it’s not just my fault.

If I could draw you a picture and put it on a big screen for you to see,
I’d draw our life.
I’d draw blue patches for tears.
I’d make it so beautiful.
I’d draw my life and intertwine it with yours.
***
But I can’t.
Because you still wouldn’t care.

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