Career in Being Ratchet

A rant of sorts on popular culture's obsession with sex scandals.

So what’s up with girls wanting to grow up to be whores? I don’t get it. It’s the same thing as that commercial we used to see as kids. “Nobody says I want to be a junkie when I grow up…” That’s cause you don’t get famous and make a shit ton of money for being a junkie. You get that from being a whore. Awesome. I mean that’s just great. Kim Kardashian, why do you know who that is? Cause she got filmed getting railed out by Moesha’s little brother, Ray J. That’s all it takes. Now her whole family has a show, her sisters have their own show, her mom has her own show… And they owe it all to Kim’s vagina. We’re not pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps, we’re using pussy lips instead. Capitalism at its finest. Whoring is the new feminism

Now what about this chick, Sydney Leathers? She’s the one that’s in all the papers because she had a phone sex relationship with Weiner, the NYC mayoral candidate and ex-Congressman. What a fucking winner she is. Now she’s posting articles on how to keep your celebrity affair partner satisfied. Cool and I thought all the how-to topics were taken. I swear if this broad was a hooker, I’d like her more. At least she’d be getting paid for something she did, services rendered. Instead she’s a human tapeworm. Just riding the coattails of someone else’s celebrity so she can get banged on camera and never have to work again. I hope her on-screen partner blasts her in the eye so hard it legally blinds her.

It’s not even what she did, which was nothing really. I don’t care about sexting with a married man. Doesn’t bother me a bit. She’s just so clearly a money grubbing skank. And on top of it she has the nerve to turn around and slam Weiner like he’s a degenerate. You should be thanking him dummy. The only reason we know who you are is because you held on to some dick pics. And to be honest, it’s not her fault, if we paid her the zero attention she deserves nobody would be paying her… ahem dick.

This reminds me of a story. A good friend of mine went to a strip club. Now anyone that’s been to a strip club knows if you have enough money, you can have sex. It’s just that easy. Well except for the used car salesman style bartering that always ensues. So he goes in determined to get laid and ended up in the back with a very pretty girl blowing him. At this point she starts raising the agreed upon rate and they start bickering. He agrees to the higher rate as long as he gets off. To which she replies “I’m starting to feel disrespected!” To which I would have answered, “Bitch, you were just sucking me off FOR MONEY! Respect isn’t part of this scenario!” However that attitude will get you kicked out. He ended up doing what he went there to do and paying a lot of money for his trouble. But he left smiling.

Now I don’t pay for sex, unless you count girlfriends okay let me clarify. I don’t enter into a bartering discussion for a sexual act. I find it gross. It’s not a moral thing; I could give a shit about that. It just takes all the magic out of it. It’s like fishing. You could go to the market and buy a 20lb bass but does that make you special? No it makes you a customer, just like everybody else. I’m only interested in fucking girls that want to fuck me outside of a direct monetary exchange. Call me old fashioned, but an itemized receipt isn’t my idea of pillow talk.

So that’s the problem with fame these days. There’s a huge number of people famous for…. NOTHING. I have no problem with somebody being famous for a record I can’t stand or playing a sport I hate. At least it’s based on some sort of perceived talent. I may not like them, but somebody does so whatever. But being famous because you want to follow in Monica Lewinsky’s footsteps? Dare to dream kids.