(un)Fitness

The secret of being in shape

(un)Fitness

As I showered one bright morning,
my wife said, “Would you look at that?”
Unsure of her meaning, I looked down
but I couldn’t see past the fat.

It had been a while since I worked out.
My motivation was quite clear.
Time had taken me on a route
leading downwards, landing me here.

“Back into shape!” was my promise
that I made on that exact spot.
The very next day I proceeded
to Gold’s Gym with no further thought.

“Let’s get physical, physical ..”
Olivia sang in my brain.
It seemed to me empirical
that without pain, there’d be no gain.

A fellow with muscles galore
grabbed me as I entered the gym.
“You need a coach to get started
or you’ll end up looking quite grim.”

We worked on my abs for an hour,
then legs, arms, and back for a bit
to a point where I couldn’t move.
Still, he wouldn’t just let me quit.

“What are you some kind of wussy?”
All I could do was nod yes.
There were no muscles untouched
and all were in pain, I confess.

He turned his attention elsewhere
and I slithered out of the door.
Now mind you, I would gladly walk
but even my feet were too sore.

Somehow I did make it home.
My wife asked, “So, was it fun?”
She purred, “You look better already.”
I quit trying to dial nine-one-one.

I discovered the secret of fitness
and it’s something that I should have known.
Only make love in the dark …
and always shower alone.

An entry for September round of "The Humorous Poetry Contest" 
Form: Quatrain
Line Count: 40