Sherry Suspects Something Suspicious

Something's rotten, and Sherry is determined to get to the bottom of things.

Previously, during Michelle and Sherry's shenanigans:

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Love Your Neighbors  (13+) Michelle's neighbors have boundary issues, and she just wants to weed her flowerbed. #2031557 by Jimmy E. Durham, RN

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Neighbors and the Deluge  (13+) Michelle is more at home in the neighborhood as the residents experience water problems. #2035057 by Jimmy E. Durham, RN

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Sherry Takes a Project  (ASR) Fresh from the shower, Michelle gets a surprise, and Sherry finds a mission. #2035447 by Jimmy E. Durham, RN

         Michelle and Norma were in Michelle's kitchen drinking coffee talking about some new hydrangeas Norma planted when Sherry stormed in with her big purse hanging off her left shoulder looking more filled and weighted than usual.

"Michelle, we need to talk," she said, and then to Norma, "Beat it Borma, I gotta confer with my bestie sans you."

         Norma did not move, instead making the unwise choice of engaging Sherry in a staring contest. Sherry's hand went to her right hip, and she settled what she called her "death gaze" on Norma, who broke eye contact after just a few seconds and looked to Michelle for guidance. Michelle raised her eyebrows, then nodded that it was okay.

"We'll talk later, Michelle," Norma said getting up.

Sherry who still had not ceased staring, followed Norma with her eyes as she made her way to the back door.

"'BYE Felicia!" she called to Norma who looked back in confusion before exiting.

"Who's Felicia?" Michelle asked.

"How should I know?" Sherry answered, "I heard some girls saying it to these guys at the Man Pit last weekend. I assume it's a snub that pretty girls like them and me use to dismiss someone. Like, we're saying you're not even worth us learning your name," Sherry explained.

"Then why would you say that to Norma?"

Sherry bristled and said, "She knows why!"

"Does she?" asked Michelle, skeptical.

Sherry shrugged and gave her a look that said who knows? She took a seat and threw her purse onto the table where it landed with a thud.

"Look, I didn't come over here to discuss plain Jane. I think my boo is stepping out on me!" Sherry said.

"Norma, Sherry. Her name is Norma, and she's your friend!" Michelle said.

"Not this week and don't get me started on why!" Sherry said, "Now can we resume our regularly scheduled program already in progress?"

Michelle sighed, "Fine," she began to mimic Sherry, "'Michelle! My boo is stepping out on me and the world is ending cause I'm the center of it!'"

Sherry mimicked Michelle in return, "'Sherry! What does that even mean? You're so awesome and sexy I can't understand half of what you say!'", then resuming in her voice, "Why, I'm glad you're so interested to ask, Michelle. It means I think my husband is cheating on my fine ass!"

"That's ridiculous, Sherry," Michelle said, "What makes you think so?"

"He's been working late," Sherry answered, case closed.

"So? People work late."

"Not hedge fund managers, Michelle!" Sherry corrected.

"I don't think that's what Trevor does," Michelle said.

"What? Are you saying I don't know what my own husband does for a living?" Sherry was offended.

"He's a loan officer at the bank, Sherry," Michelle said.

"Pfft. Same thing."

"I don't think so…"

"Not the point! Every time I go shopping, there's money in the checking account. That's all I really need to know anyways," Sherry said.

"Have you ever asked him about his work?" Michelle asked.

"Of course I have, Michelle!"

"And?"

"And I learned my lesson! That hasn't happened since. His job is boring! All I heard was blah blah, numbers, blah," Sherry cried, "What does this have to do with anything?"

Michelle had learned that it was sometimes best to take the path of least resistance with Sherry.

"You're right," she relinquished. "You think he's cheating. What did he say when you confronted him?"

"Confronted him? Geez, Michelle, you're lucky you're so pretty cause you're not that bright, no offense," Sherry said, "You do not 'confront' men, my sweet simple, Michelle. Allow me to educate you in anatomy:the very presence of the penis means men shut down, and start lying then. It's a scientifical fact."

"So, what are you going to do then?" Michelle asked.

"Well, the obvious – get you to seduce him," Sherry said, and before Michelle could open her mouth to object, Sherry continued, "But then I'd have to kill you both, and I can't lose my husband and my best friend. Besides, I'd need you to help get rid of his body."

         Sherry sounded as if she were about to go off on a tangent, but luckily that was not the case. She pulled out a notebook and couple others larger books from her purse.

"Then it came to me: I'm gonna become a private investigator and catch his cheating ass in the act!" Sherry said.

"You can't become a private investigator, Sherry," Michelle said, already sensing the absurd place Sherry was headed.

"God! Michelle, you are so negative! 'You can't be a detective, Sherry!' 'You can't park there, Sherry!' You can't just come over to my house and take a nap when I'm not there, Sherry!' Well, what can I do, your highness?"

"I meant you need a license and training," Michelle said.

"Oh. Well, not in this state so, poo on you. I asked around, and all you need to have is a business license from the city, which I do," Sherry answered.

"You still need to know how to do what it is a private investigator does," Michelle said.

"On it, Miss Know-It-All," Sherry said, "I put a bunch of detective movies in my Netflix queue and then I went to the library, and got this idiot's guide on becoming a private investigator."

"How appropriate," Michelle commented.

"And, I went and bought this," Sherry pulled out a gun set it on the table.

"Oh my God! Where did you get that, Sherry?" Michelle cried.

"At the mall."

"What about the waiting period?"

"This isn't some scheme I've been cooking up for two hours, Michelle. I've been giving it serious thought and planning for almost three and half days now," Sherry responded, "And you're going to be my secretary."

"Then as my first act, let me say you cannot shoot Trevor."

"I'm not gonna shoot him, Michelle. And who's side are you on anyway? The gun is for perps and other lowlife thugs. Who knows what criminal element we'll encounter during our investigations?" Sherry said.

         Michelle was surprised that she was still surprised by some of the antics Sherry could come up with, but she knew there would be no dissuading Sherry, and to try to impede her would only mean getting her in more trouble. Michelle reasoned that if she went along with her, she could keep Sherry from doing something stupid, at least, more stupid than what Sherry considered stupid.

"Now, as soon I go through this book and brush up on my detective movies, we'll be good to go! To be continued!" Sherry said, grabbing her stuff and headed toward the door with the same crazy energy with which she had entered. Sherry suspected something suspicious, and now, she was on the case.