Sherry Meets an Amish

Sherry and Michelle have car trouble in the country, and Sherry goes for help.

The first two sentences of this story came from a WDC prompt. I had no idea Sherry and Michelle would pop up when I read the prompt!





         He'd gone to that well for water daily, for the past five years. It was only today that fate would lead him to meet her there. Fate was a fickle thing. The Amish farmer did not know what to make of Sherry at first. Words failed him. They did not, unfortunately, fail Sherry.

"Hell yeah!" Sherry whooped and began jumping up and down when she laid eyes on the farmer coming toward her with his horse and buggy, "Holy shit! Michelle is going to be so excited I found someone!"

         The farmer took in the sight before him, a cursing female of diminutive stature and heavy frame bouncing alongside the water well, and he did not know where to look; he was avoiding looking directly upon Sherry who was wearing a neon pink bikini top, cut off blue jean shorts, and sandals.

"Hey dude! Great Beard! I'm Sherry! Me and my friend broke down a little ways down the road over there," She pointed to the road, "Do you have a phone we could use?"

"No," the farmer was keeping it brief.

"No, you don't have a phone, or no, you won’t let us use your phone? Which, by the way, is rude, I'm just gonna tell ya, cause that's how I am, seriously though, love. The. Beard!"

"I do not have a phone," the man was put off by Sherry.



"Shut up!," Sherry cried, "What kind of a nerd doesn’t have at least a house phone? I can understand not having a cell phone. Your service area out here sucks! You need to write congress about that by the way."

"It is not part of our beliefs," the man replied.

"Oh my God! Beliefs? Like religion?" Sherry gasped with realization; it was coming together: the beard, the Little House on the Prairie transportation, not having phones, "Holy shit! Are you like one of those orthodontic Jews? What's your name?"

"Isaac Shrock," the man said.

"Oh my God! I love that movie!" Sherry squealed, "That donkey cracks me up!" she laughed, "Hey, so you can totally give me a ride back to the car, right?"

         Sherry did not wait for an answer from Isaac, ran over, and mustered as much grace as possible to climb into the buggy next to him. She situated herself with a huff, replaced her right breast into her top, and, laughing at her gaffe, pointed Isaac in the direction from which she came. The buggy lurched forward with a start when Isaac spoke to the horse.

"So, what celebrity endorses you?" Sherry asked with genuine interest.

"What?" Isaac responded, confused.

"You know, like the sociologists have that loon, Tom Cruise, Jesus has Mel Gibson and Mike Seaver, the Asians have Richard Gere, who do the orthodontics have?"

"I do not know."



         Sherry was disappointed. She made a mental note to ask Michelle. Sherry was uncomfortable with the silence, so she began to sing "Highway to Hell." She figured Isaac was not an AC/DC fan when she saw his glare, and her suspicions were correct when he asked her to be quiet. She tried another pass at silence, but it was still not working for her so she decided to tell Isaac about dragging Michelle out to the river to spend an afternoon floating and drinking, maybe finding Michelle a man to get freaky with since she went around as if she had a stick up her butt most of the time.

"Hey, you know, being with you reminds me of being with Michelle. Are you seeing anyone?" Sherry asked.

"I have a wife," Isaac said.

"Dammit," Sherry responded with disappointment, "So, anyway, my car quit, and neither of our cell phones worked because of your suck ass service out here Ike, and since I lost at rock, paper, scissors, and Michelle started throwing actual rocks at me, I had to walk for help."

Sherry found Isaac very easy to talk to, and the whole mysterious strong, silent thing was really growing on her. She continued talking, and began to tell Isaac about the latest disagreement she and Michelle had the other day.

"So, I tell her, bitch please, Kermit could not do any better than Miss Piggy, and he should be lucky she even looks at him. I mean he's a frog, hello! And she's an obvious star with all her glamour, not to mention- she knows karate. You weigh in," Sherry encouraged Isaac, who remained silent, and it spoke volumes to Sherry

"Oh my God! You agree with Michelle!" she blew out a huff of air, "God, I swear the two of you are a match made in heaven. Are you sure you're happily married, and it's legal?"

At that moment, Sherry noticed a car approaching and let out a scream, waving her arms at it. Isaac stopped his horse while the young woman stopped her car, and Sherry scrambled down from the buggy seat, popping out of her top again.

"Oh my God, Sherry! What are you doing with that man! Put your breast away!"

"Shut up, Michelle, this is my friend Ike Shrek. You two would have a lot to talk about. He's just like you, but with an awesome beard," Sherry gushed while she adjusted her chest.

Michelle gave Isaac a horrified look, trying to communicate her apologies for Sherry in it. He did not seem to be interested.

"Don’t just sit there, Michelle, tip the man," Sherry commanded.

"I don't think he wants me to," Michelle said when she saw Isaac's face.

"God, Michelle, I swear, it's like you have no culture at all. That's just his way; he's an orthodontic Jew. Give me your purse," Sherry scoffed, grabbing Michelle's purse from her and pulling a $10 bill from it.

"Here ya go Shrek, buy the missus something snazzy," Sherry ran over and tossed the money at Isaac and jumped into the passenger's seat of the car, "Wait, how'd you fix the car, Michelle?"

Michelle navigated the car back toward the highway, rolling her eyes at Sherry.

"It was out of gas. A guy stopped sometime after you left, and went and got some in a container. How does anybody run out of gas any more, Sherry?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know when it needs gas? That thingy on the dashboard stopped moving weeks ago. I've just been putting gas in it when I think it sounds different," Sherry replied with disdain.

Michelle cried out in frustration, and swore she would never go anywhere with Sherry again.

"Michelle, what the hell has got you so dippity worked up? I found you a perfect man if your kind of Jewish goes with his orthodontic Jewishness, and we get his wife out of the picture," Sherry said, getting ready to announce a new plan to get Michelle a man.

"Sherry, neither of us is Jewish. And that man was Amish," Michelle replied.

"Ohhhhh…an Amish…which celebrity endorses them?"