After the Transplant

The agony of watching a family member suffer

it’s that never knowing
living under the weight
of the body’s secrets

it’s the breadth of possibilities
hidden in the expressionless faces
of the professionally detached
and the way my throat truncates my inhale
as I dissect every nuance
begging for a clue

it's discovering close call feels like
clenched jaw and knotted stomach
as I lie awake wondering
what else inside you
is plotting to inflame

it's post- MRI dodged bullets
and a sense of
just a few more moments bought

17 lines