The Office Visit

Even Death can get depressed ... A Dialogue 500 Entry

The Office Visit

“Thanks for seeing me on such short notice, Doc.”

“It’s very unusual but when my service told me who needed to see me …”

“I appreciate it. Most people don’t want to meet me. Hell, most people don’t want to know that I exist.”

“So, how should I address you?”

“My parents named me C-h-a-r-o-n. pronounced Karen, but as I got older, it seemed kind of girlish. When I came up with the Black Plague, I was called Mort but then the Jewish Anti-Defamation League took offense. I kind of liked The Terminator but some Austrian dude usurped that. Just call me Death.”

“Well, what seems to be bothering you, Death?”

“I feel like I’m losing my touch. I’ve heard that, according to studies, people's number one fear is now public speaking. Death is number two. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

“I think you may be over reacting. I’m sure you’re still number one to the vast majority of people.”

“Thank you for saying so but I’m worried I’ve become passé. There are too many crazies out there diluting my brand. I mean, the world’s population is now 7.4 billion, an all-time record high, and I have it on good authority that it will hit 11.2 billion in the year 2100. I don’t mind the help. But, damn it, there are rules and nobody respects them anymore!”

“I’ve heard that a lot since Trump announced his candidacy … but I digress. It sounds like you’re workload has increased significantly. Have you considered asking your boss for a little help?”

“Of course I have. The last time I did, he made it rain for forty days and forty nights. This time, he started global warming. He tells me it will have the same result, but it will take longer. He has a very odd sense of humor, you know. He did offer mankind an alternative but then started a rumor that it was all a conspiracy against big-oil.

“I’ve heard.”

“Now, I don’t want you to think I’m just sitting around moaning. I’ve started a few pilot programs to expand my reach. Most recently, I’ve recruited the National Rifle Association. Guns for everyone, everywhere is my goal. I’m making headway. I was doing really well with the ‘fear anyone different’ program I started with law enforcement until I can arm civilians. I think bodycams are going to put a damper on its effectiveness, however.”

“I’m a bit confused. You really don’t seem to have any issues so I’m wondering why you are here.”

“I guess I was just feeling a little underappreciated. Most folks don’t grasp just how hard I work.”

“That’s understandable. Well, I see our time is up. There are a few things you could work on before our next session …”

“That won't be necessary. There won’t be a next session.”

“You’re not coming back?”

“Actually, Doc, neither of us is.”

An entry for "The Dialogue 500" 
Prompt: Write a dialogue based on “Death comes a'calling”.
Word Limit: 500
Word Count: 499