Karma Hotel Ch. 16 D & C

The Larson's hire a phony contractor to clear ghosts from Hoyt House. It does not go well.

                   

Chapter 16

D & C

"Well, how did it go?" Lauren could not hide her apprehension.
Bob showed indifference. "How did what go?"
She looked over the top of her eyeglasses. Don't mess with me.
"Oh, you must mean the s/SPAN>ance. It, ah went well. We had a good time."
I want more. But I don't want to hear about it! "What's that supposed to mean? A good time. Did you three make contact with uh....you know?"
How much do I reveal? "Well let's see. To put it bluntly, our house may have 'other' occupants."
Lauren suddenly felt the need to be on the lookout. She shook as she inspected the ceiling for them. Then it dawned on her. She faced Bob. "Remember that paranormal waiver required to buy the house? Janet knew more about the house than she told us."
Lauren looked to Bob for direction. "Janet knew that our kitchen had otherworldly phenomena. So now we live in a haunted house?"
Bob studied his feet, devoid of answers to make her feel better. Especially so since he was more intrigued than afraid.
"There's more, Bob. An hour ago Greta was staring at the staircase doing that low growl vocalizing, you know. So I asked: 'What's the matter Greta? Do you see something?' Greta just briefly looked at me and returned to staring at the stairs, her hackles up."
"Yes. I've watched her do that too," Bob replied affably, apparently unaware how uncomfortable Lauren was. "I wonder what's gets her attention."
"There's more. I often hear Beny talking about finding someone who's lost. I heard him say out loud something like, 'I'll help you look OK? Where do you think she is?' So I yelled up at his bedroom: 'Who are you talking to Beny?'"
Lauren paused for emphasis. "Can you imagine what he said to me?"
He just shrugged: I dunno.
"'A lady lost her baby. I want to help her find it.' 'What are you talking about?', I said. 'There's no one up there with you. Then Beny says: 'But she keeps asking me about her baby all the time'."
Bob was stunned. It was the same entity from the s/I>ance. It wanted her baby. So Beny knows Ramona! What does that mean? Should I be concerned? Jeez. However, Bob wanted, if possible, to lighten the mood, "So, who are we going to call?", and chuckled, An exorcist priest?"
That did not help matters. Lauren froze. "I need to tell you something. Just after we moved here, I began dreaming of the same thing almost every night. It's always about excruciating grief: My baby is missing! Where's my baby?" Lauren paused. "This is so weird. Now Beny and I share the same nightmares."
Bob stared at the carpet first and then faced her. "Do you think that I made this happen with the s/SPAN>ance?"
Lauren began to inspect the ceiling for spirits again and replied sarcastically, "Well....Let's see. What could possibly go wrong with doing a s/SPAN>ance in a house known to be haunted?"
Feeling a tad bit irresponsible, he confessed, "Okay. Maybe my s/SPAN>ance did invite spirits. So I'll do something about it." Do the Man-Thing, he told himself. They needed a specialist, one that can do a special sort of housecleaning.
Bob booted up his laptop and Googled 'Entity Removal'. Naturally, GhostBusters.com showed up right away. This is not a movie. We have ghosts. Bob had to pause his search for a moment. What if Beny has been attracting them? Beny and his fascination with a lost baby...
He next clicked on iPsychic.com. He read the sales pitch:
'Our trained psychics will conduct a D & C on your home for just $500. That's a total Detect and Clear. Satisfaction guaranteed. Your home will be completely clear of ghosts or your money back. Our D & C specialists are screened and trained to clear your home from all dangerous entities. Protect your home and family now....'
"I just Googled entity removal."
"Oh?", Lauren's reply sounded half empty. She was off somewhere.
"Hey, Darlin' How about a D & C.?"
"I have healthy genitals. No need, thanks. Why do you ask?"
"I don't mean gynecology. The screen says: For $500 our home can get a D & C - that means a Detect and Clear. iPsychic.com will send us a specialist trained to get rid of any ghosts or other entities."
Bob paused and asked absently, "I wonder what 'other entities' means. What do you think? Shall we try a D & C?"
"If you think it might help, sure." Anything! Lauren remembered a discussion with Beny the day prior. 'Mama. That drawer is open again and stuff is moving.' He felt obligated to keep his mother informed. After all, she was a grown-up.
Lauren felt shivers in her gut again with that memory. 'Oh, umm. It's okay Beny.' Feeling a mother's obligation to comfort her child, she remembered saying, 'Don't be afraid.
Is my son becoming a 'Chucky' with a hatchet?, like in horror movies? It's best to not tell Bob about this. It will become his next fascination. That's all I don't need right now...
"They even offer a money-back guarantee."
She shrugged, "What have we go to lose? "
"Apparently, we have a number of things to lose and none of them are physical."


Jason was pumped. The Portland job market had been saturated with the unemployed, leaving few choices for Millennials. He despised flipping burgers for fast food joints. He was never fast enough for Burger King, not sufficiently friendly for McDonald's and not submissive enough for Denny's.
So he did an online job search. One ad got his attention: 'As an independent contractor for i-Psychic.com, be your own boss. Set your own schedule and get paid right away. Open positions in your area available- Call now!'
So enticing it was. No more bosses breathing down my neck and I can make a living. It had been a no-brainer for Jason. He dialed the 1-800 number and listened to the recruiter.
"Understand, Jason, this is how it works. We'll send you the referrals and you set your own appointments. How does that sound?"
"Pretty nice so far. What exactly would I be doing?"
"It's a little-known fact that there are thousands of people living in homes they believe to be haunted. And they are usually desperate for help. For them, $500 is well worth it. iPsychic.com will pay you $350 for each clearing you perform. Where else can you get $350 for just an hour's work?"
Jason was enticed, but unsure. "Clearing? What is that? Am I supposed to get rid of ghosts?"
"Yeah, sure. But, understand Jason, it's almost always in their imaginations. People are afraid. They will feel comforted by your calm assurance. Let them know that they are in your safe hands. Being trained and experienced, you know what you're doing."
I know what I'm doing? Yeah...right, Jason told himself.

"That's the image you will need to project: Total confidence. I will email you a binder with a simple step-by-step procedure. Look for a UPS delivery from us. It will be your ghost clearing kit, free of charge. I just need your mailing address."


Two days after the house clearing kit arrived, Jason got his first referral! The Larson family at 927 NW Hoyt Street. He was given the basics. Mom and dad had been increasingly concerned about their son's "imaginary friends". And, there was the knife drawer problem: it simply would not remain closed.
Neither would the oven door. Lauren took comfort that the D & C was scheduled for the upcoming Saturday. Things will be OK by Sunday, she hoped.
Jason pulled his hatchback into a parking spot near Hoyt House. He looked at himself in the rearview mirror. This is your debut, Jason. Don't blow it. He grabbed his gear and walked up the old wooden stairs. He could almost feel their history. How many feet have trod here for decades?
"Hi. I'm Jason from iPsychic.com." He took a moment to nervously straighten his shirt collar. "It's my job to clear negativity from your home. So, you feel that there are ghosts in this house?", the "trained specialist" asked.
Greta had been in attendance at the front door. She approached Jason carefully, unsure of his intentions. Her nose pressed against his left thigh, she inhaled several times. He looked down nervously. Then she backed off. He was OK for now.
"It's mostly with our son Beny", Lauren answered. "He's often talking to people who are not there."
Jason nodded with interest, but felt a bit unsettled.
"And there's our dog Greta, who you have just met." Lauren pointed at her. "At least once a week she either growls or wags her tail for no good reason. It's almost like she's looking at a ghost or something."
Lauren looked to Bob to add more. What about the s/I>ance?
"Let's just say that we have reason to believe that our home has spirits.", Bob replied evenly.
Jason nodded as if he understood.
"And, Lauren added, "we have problems with our kitchen too. The oven door and the knife drawer. They won't stay shut. Do you think that our house is haunted? The realtor sure thought so." Clearly, Lauren needed to talk with someone she considered an expert.
"The realtor told you that this house was known to be haunted?" Ok Jason. Remember that sales class. Stand up straight. Make them feel safe.
"We had to sign a special waiver. Can you believe it?"
"Gee, ah." Jason began to squirm. Let's get this over with. "Not to worry, Mrs. Larson. You and your home are in good hands now. I'll begin with some lit candles and invocations. Then I will smudge with burning sage."
Having never heard about smudging, Lauren asked, "Smudge? What is that?"
Sounding authoritative, Jason answered, "In our industry, we commonly burn sacred herbs to clear away unwanted spirits."
"Oh and last week some people held a s/SPAN>ance here." Lauren glared at Bob, "They used a Ouija board to contact ghosts. I heard that they made actual contact. I sure hope that you can help us."
Jason's eyebrows elevated a full inch. Real contact. I hope not. Nevertheless, he proclaimed "Oh yes. I can feel them too. There seem to be many ghosts here."
I'll bet they always begin with that one, Bob told himself. Scare people first and then play the rescuer. "So Jason, how long have you been in this business?"
"Oh, ah a couple years," he lied. Anxious to change the subject, "All right. I'll start with your son's bedroom if that's OK with you." Maybe I can avoid the kitchen altogether. A knife drawer opening all the time...
"Whatever you say", Lauren blurted out. She wanted to tell him: Just hurry up!
Jason pulled a large abalone shell out of his backpack and loaded it with dried sage leaves. Next, he gently touched the sage with the flame from a butane lighter. Smoke began to rise as he fanned the sage embers with turkey feathers.
Apprehensive now, Jason scanned the ceiling. "I call on the Spirits of the Four Directions to bless this house."
Jason's ministrations left a smoke trail all through the house as he entered each room, distributing blessings.
Dead people on the second-floor hall began complaining. "Who just cut the cheese? Smells like a rotting corpse. Yuk!"
"I call on the spirits of the Four Directions to bless this house. Let all negativity be cleansed." Jason repeated his prayer in each room as sage smoke billowed from the shell.
The dead Bernbaum's began to holler now. "He calls this a blessing? Since when is raising a stink good for a house? After all, we live here too!" More ghostly figures gathered, imploring with one another about what to do about the stench.
Golda Bernbaum began to look around for the source of the offensive odor. Sniffing the ethers, "It's that kid down the hall. He's burning something."
"Burning! What's that about--a fire! Oh no! My baby! Where's my baby?" Ramona, forever looking for her missing baby at Hoyt House, was soon in a panic. "My baby will perish!! Help me!", she screamed and threw herself on the floor, another helpless drama queen.
That caught Matthew's attention. Right away he drifted down the hall and entered the bedroom. Ramona was now pounding on the walls, screaming for her baby.
"Oh Ramona, Matthew tried to explain, "Your baby is safe from harm, trust me." What I really mean is: It's been dead for a good fifteen years. The worst has already happened Ramona. But he never had the heart to enlighten her that both she and her baby were already dead. She's already obsessing. That information might send her over the cliff.
"Really? Are you sure? Oh, Matthew I always feel so comforted by you. You are such a good man." Ramona was teared up now and wanting a hug. "Thank you, thank you." Then she caught herself. "But, Matthew please - have you seen my baby?"
More dead residents began complaining "Smells worse than a garbage heap in here! Tell Matthew. He will do something about it."
"I smell the stench too, Matthew said. "God, but that's nasty. And I see where it's coming from. How about you Margot. Smell it?"
"That's the odor of burning sage?" Margot asked. "That sure smells different. It's more like sewage."
"No offense Margot, but the living can be so insensitive! We're practically gagging here. I'd be coughing for sure if I still had lungs."
What people do in the third dimension has an effect on the dead? And it's not always pleasant for them? She asked him, "What can we do to help?"
"Watch me." Matthew glided over to the nearest candle. With all his might, he stirred up a spectral wind with his right hand and began whistling at the candle flame, causing it to sputter. Then he expanded his ghostly chest to inhale as best he could and blew hard on the flame. In a moment it was extinguished, smoke fumes now rising.
That caught Jason's attention. How can that happen? There's no wind indoors. What if... Nah. We know that it's all just bullshit. Come on Jason, just re-light the candle and get this over with. He lit his butane lighter and touched the flame to the candle wick again. The flame now restored, Jason placed it back on the table.
Matthew was ready. He stirred up a breeze again and whistled at Jason's flame. The candle flame sputtered again and was out. Jason's gut was beginning to churn. Candles never go out like that! They didn't mention any of this during training. Just candles and smudge with sage. Say a few invocations, collect the money and leave.
Next, Matthew stirred up more wind and directed it at Jason's spine. Margot was fascinated watching a surge of electrical-looking flames snaking up Jason's backside.
The sensation of a creeping fire climbed up Jason's spine all the way to his head. Gooseflesh on this arms and hair now standing straight up, Jason was definitely getting a case of the "spookies".
I've got to remember to ask him where he learned that trick, Margot reminded herself.
One thing I know, Jason told himself. Someone or something does not want me here! Get out!
The problem was, he was rooted to where he stood as if frozen in time. His thighs went rigid. He could barely move. It required effort to even speak. "Uh, I, I must have defective candles here. Sorry. I have more in the car. Be right b-b-b-back."
Eyes now bulging, with all the force of will he could gather, Jason got his legs to pull out of what felt like sticky tar. He grabbed his backpack and bolted for the front door. Without looking back, he hurried down the wooden stoop and ran to his car. Landing into the driver's seat, he started the engine before slamming the car door shut. He was gone, never to be seen again.


"Well Lauren, it looks like Jason did the detect part but not the clearing part." Bob was actually excited about everything. "And now we know for certain that Hoyt House has, uh ....'other residents'. Probably nothing more than dead people who used to live here."
"Oh sweet! So our home is haunted for sure." Lauren paused to catch her breath. Tonight was a bit much. She watched two perfectly normal candle flames blown out for no reason. And their rescuer has just ran away.
To her, Bob looked to be a bit too comfortable with it all. "So now what, FBI agent Fox Mulder?"
He was flooded with exciting possibilities. Another s/SPAN>ance? It might help...
"Oh, remember the Smith's?," she asked. They have been after us to attend one of their special church services.
"Special church services?, Bob asked. What makes them special?"
"They were often talking about the need to confront evil. Maybe that's like our house needs. Confront the ghosts. They've talked about exorcisms of Satan too."
"So if we have a house with a few ghosts we must have Satan too?"
"Beats me", Lauren replied, throwing her hands upward needing direction. "Let's check it out. The church just might give us some answers."

End of Chapter 17

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