Gradebusters

"Malcolm In The Middle" Fan Fiction

Taking a break from existential talk and dabbling in comedy -- feels like a natural progression -- except I'm out of my depth.

I’ve never written fan fiction before, but I found myself inspired by a prompt I stumbled upon on the website:

"A teacher disrespects students and wastes their time with off-topic rants. One student talks to his parents, and they agree the teacher's behavior is too disruptive to the learning environment. They help their son set up an independent study plan for the topic. Their son forms a study group with some classmates who also want to drop the course. Word quietly spreads, and more students form their own study groups. The next time the teacher gives an annoying off-topic lecture, the entire class walks out.."

Gotta start somewhere, so I drafted a short opening scene to get some feedback and hopefully learn a bit about comedy writing. If I’m missing the mark or this feels too on the nose, let me know! Brutal honesty is always appreciated. I know I'm no Simpsons screenwriter but that is not the goal.

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HERKABE (sitting on the edge of his desk, sneers as he sees Reese shuffle into psychology class, late)
Well, well, well. Look who decided to grace us with his presence. A ghost from the past.
I’m genuinely amazed you remembered where the classroom is.

REESE (under his breath, slumping into his seat)
Why can’t this lunatic speak normally?

HERKABE (resuming with flair)
As I was saying—this generation is the product of participation trophies, instant gratification, and whatever passes for parenting these days.
You’ve been—

REESE (confused)
Is this gonna be on the test?

HERKABE (lean in, slow, patronizing)
No, Reese. Thinking will never be on your tests. Wouldn’t want to burden you with impossible standards.

REESE (confused still)
So, no?

HERKABE (straightens up, smirking)
I envy your clarity.

REESE
Why don't you quit the riddles and just tell me what’s on the test?

HERKABE (brows furrowing, with mock seriousness)
Of course. You would like that. Cheat codes. Hacks.
Might I suggest the revolutionary approach of showing up and studying instead?

REESE
I’m trying, but all you do is rant. When do we talk about psychology?

HERKABE
Oh, but this is psychology right now. We're studying the psychology of decay.
A generation’s worth of therapy bills. I'm here to save you from yourself—

REESE
Alright, but like, what chapter is that?

HERKABE (raising his hand, cutting him off, calling out)
I won’t have it.

(Herkabe runs a hand through his hair in exasperation as he walks back to his desk.)

(Reese looks around, then leans toward the kid next to him.)

REESE (whispering)
Is it just me, or is he getting worse?

KID (deadpan)
Last semester was about his ex-wife.
I'd divorce him too.

(The bell rings. Students instantly start grabbing their stuff.)

HERKABE
Class dismissed. You’re welcome, by the way.