I am a paradox

the only time i can write is when i either feel like dying or i am falling in love.

Something in me is not letting me be in love with this life.
Something I cannot describe won’t let me live.
It’s not letting me be alive.
So I suffer between death and existence, fully knowing I won’t experience how it feels to be so loved that I’d never fear death.

I am a paradox.

I keep imagining something unimaginable — something that makes me sad.
I want to live and be content,
but I want and seek things that make me wish I was never born.

I am a paradox.

-A.V.