A Novel System of Personality Typology

This personality type system efficiently span the entire spectrum of human behavior.

Personality Test


It has been discovered after many years of meticulous empirical research that the vast spectrum of
human personality can be comprehensively spanned by six orthogonal types, whose attributes are
described below.


[0] Type U
Your shape is a perfect sphere, robin's egg blue, with a smooth, cool surface.
Your personal auspice is a respectable but not excessive increase in cheese production in the
canton of your birth.
Your spirit animal is the star-nosed mole.
If your sex was swapped, only your pets would notice.
If you had the confidence, you would likely excel at cue sports, but only when nobody is
watching.
Your humours are likely to be too balanced, necessitating occasional infusions of bile or phlegm
in order to prevent torpor.
The careers best suited to your personality are mail keeper, ornithologist's assistant, mindful
eating coach, or garden planner.
You only engage in procreative intercourse.
You pretend to listen to music so other people don't judge you.
You eat an excess amount of confections, not because you particularly enjoy consuming them,
but because it results in a long-term increase in the frequency of dental appointments, which
you find to be exciting exceptions to your usual routine.


[1] Type K
Your shape is a blood-red pyramid that feels both hot and cold to the touch.
Your personal auspice is when you witness a wild animal consume one of its young.
Your spirit animal is the praying mantis.
In preschool, the other children quickly devised a surprisingly elaborate system of pictographs
that they could use to keep track of your habits without you noticing.
You were baptized during the conspicuously audible and highly uncommon culling of the local
stoat population.
The careers best suited to your personality are anatomist, prison architect, reptile breeder, or
eugenicist.
You describe things that annoy you as being "itchy", and find yourself sneezing violently in the
company of people you dislike.
You have a bad habit of saying people's names backwards.
When you gaze at your own reflection you feel like you are living an eternity.
Your most frequent dream involves you shedding your skin like a snake.


[2] Type L
Your shape is a cold, grey cylinder of pitiless stone, suspended in the void, that extends
infinitely in either direction.
Your personal auspice is when the obituary section of your local newspaper contains at least
four individuals under the age of fifty-five.
Your spirit animal is the legless lizard.
You often ride public buses and trains just so you can wait for someone to leave, then take their
seat and steal their warmth.
You only drink milk at slightly warmer than room temperature.
You have a postage stamp collection that only includes stamps from nations and eras in which
war crimes occurred.
Your pets age faster than normal.
The careers best suited to your personality are sewer inspector, divorce lawyer, submarine
designer, and stonemason.
When administered a Rorschach inkblot test, you couldn't tell the images apart.
You once forgot your own name when introducing yourself and tried to consult one of your
business cards as a reminder, only to discover that you were carrying the business card of a
deceased family member.


[3] Type I
Your shape is a yellow speckled cube with a spongiform texture.
Your personal auspice is when you find an ostrich egg in a place you wouldn't expect.
Your spirit animal is the tarsier.
You like to wear knitted sweaters inside-out so you can feel the pattern on your bare skin.
Electrical appliances that your use frequently are more likely to experience bouts of manic-
depression.
You have thought about hiring a sullen dwarf to wash your fruit for you.
You often find your video cassette tapes stacked in an incomprehensible manner with no
memory of how they came to be that way.
The careers best suited to your personality are rubber farmer, clown for the old, pastry tester,
and amusement park ride saboteur.
If you ever adopt a religion or creed, you will eventually become a heretic.
If you ever tried to invent a card game, the results would likely be disastrous.
You don't trust mould or goop, but if you had to settle for one, you'd pick goop.


[4] Type O
Your shape is a lumpy green oval that breathes at odd intervals.
Your personal auspice is when the local wildlife population is ravaged by environmental
damage from an industrial mishap.
Your spirit animal is the goblin shark.
You can only reproduce via asexual budding, and the process is abominable to behold.
You gain strength with age.
Children and small animals avoid your presence, even when you click your tongue or crackle
your bones.
You feel hungry when you look at house plants.
The careers best suited to your personality are tax collector, denturist, veterinary anaesthetist,
and archivist.
Most people can't distinguish between your laughing, choking, and sneezing noises.
Women you kiss are more likely to produce stillborn children.
You dream of authoring a coffee table book on techniques for sculpting your food.


[5] Type F
Your shape is a spiked purple ball that appears to be vibrating but isn't.
Your personal auspice is when you see someone laughing at a funeral.
Your spirit animal is the poisonous frog whose colour scheme best aligns with your current
mood.
People seen in your peripheral vision have more vivid colours and sharp edges than when
looked at directly.
Your baked goods always bear a malicious aura, but not so conspicuously as to make open
commentary socially appropriate.
All music sounds like screaming to you.
The careers best suited to your personality are reality TV show contestant, forensic psychiatrist,
orphanage director, and horoscope author.
Your primary sensory mode for threat detection is smell.
You have a collection of baby hair from babies you've never met.
You like to spend time carving wooden dolls in the likeness of strangers who closely resemble
your family members but are still vaguely distinguishable.
You dream of one day starting a perfume brand that bears your face and the name of the first
crush you had that was inappropriate due to the age difference.