A Disclaimer

Introducing the real me before going any further

As I enter into the new world of Menopause, Perimenopause, whatever the hell state I find myself in, and prepare to share the journey with you, I want to make a few things clear:

All of my decisions, thoughts and life choices are my own, and always have been as soon as my parents really no longer held the power to insist on my health choices.

I do not care what other people think of these choices, as they do not impact anyone except myself and my husband. If my amazing parents were still alive, then yes, it would have affected them as well. My husband may not agree with how I live my life according to normal health choices, but he loves me anyway, and that is a precious gift I never take for granted.

So think what you will if you read along on my menopause journey, have your opinions, hate me, like me, think I am an absolute idiot, I really don't care. And I do not want your opinions or thoughts either. If I do, I will ask; otherwise, please keep them to yourself.

So here is the truth of the matter (and I actually know that I am not alone in this, apparently there are others out there the same):

I don't do doctors. I have an innate fear of them and always have. Where does this come from? I have no idea. I did a past life meditation once, which blew my mind, and if I was shown throughout this meditation had any ounce of truth to it, it would explain just about everything. (If you are ever interested in what I discovered, let me know, I'll write about it)
My parents could never understand it. Nothing bad has ever really happened to me, that would cause such a reaction (in this life anyway).

I faint whenever I visit someone in hospital, I cannot handle the sight of blood, if I do have to visit the doctor my heart rate is off the charts for hours before, during and after.

I will go, occasionally for minor things, but I am always in control. They will not touch me unless I allow it. I will have an occasional blood test to see where certain things lie, and that in itself is a mission of great control and bravery on my part.

So: I do not have all the "check-ups" a woman should have. Never have, never will. If you are a woman, you will know what those are. I do not get my skin checked. If I have cancer, I would prefer not to know. Why? Because I know I will never have the temerity to do whatever needed to be done to fight it. Nor do I have the love for myself to want to.

I could go into more detail, but that's enough. For now. Who knows, maybe I will share more in the future.

I do not condone my decisions in any way, shape or form and certainly advise against it. But my decisions are mine, my life is mine, and my fears are very real.

Endgame.