Becoming Daniel

This book is the story of a life lived on the edge of survival.

Becoming Daniel
Author: Dae

Foreword
This book is the story of a life lived on the edge of survival. It is the story of Daniel not as a child, not as a soldier, not as a victim but as someone learning, slowly, how to endure and reclaim his own life.
I am Dae, the author of this story. I do not write it to seek pity or applause. I write it to bear witness to what life can demand of a person and to show that even in the face of relentless hardship, transformation is possible.
This is not a memoir written in the first person, but a third-person account of a life that I lived. Daniel is me, but he is also the universal part of anyone who has been pushed to their limits, who has known pain, loss, and betrayal, yet chooses to continue.
May this story reach those who feel unseen, unheard, or alone. May it remind you that endurance is not just about surviving it is about learning, evolving, and finally choosing yourself.
--Dae










Chapter 1
Beginnings Without Anchors (1997-2000)
Daniel was born on March 19, 1997, in South Korea. His arrival came too soon for the man who should have been his father. Shortly after Daniel's birth, his biological father left, unready to raise a child. There was no argument, no dramatic confrontation just a quiet departure that would leave an invisible mark, one that Daniel would carry his entire life.
His mother, now a single parent, left South Korea to start over in Thailand. There, in the countryside, Daniel spent his earliest years. Life was simple but modest; wealth was absent, and stability was scarce.
In 1998 or 1999, his mother met a man who would become Daniel's stepfather. By 1999 or early 2000, she decided to move to the Netherlands to pursue a different life. For the first time, Daniel was left behind, cared for by his grandmother for approximately six months. In those months, a young child learned what absence could feel like: small, lonely, and unmoored.
When he was finally reunited with his mother, Daniel left Thailand for the Netherlands a move that would redefine his life.




Chapter 1b
The Fire and the Hidden Pain
Around the age of thirteen or fourteen, Daniel and his little sister were at his step-grandparents' house, sitting near the fireplace. Curious by nature and driven by ADHD, Daniel experimented with a stick in the fire. He placed the hot end upward, thinking it would burn faster. His sister, unaware, grabbed the hot end and burned her hand.
His stepfather became furious. Without warning, he struck Daniel on the back of the head with full force. Pain exploded across his skull; Daniel fell face down, the memory seared into him forever.
Terrified, he ran to a nearby shed, where old tractors and cars were stored, hiding for hours while the adults panicked. Daniel never told his mother about the incident. That secret, like many others, became part of the invisible armor he carried into adulthood.




Chapter 2
A Language Without a Home (2000-2004)
Daniel arrived in the Netherlands speaking only Korean and Thai. On his first day of kindergarten, he encountered a silence he had never known before. Teachers could not understand him. Classmates could not understand him. Words, once natural and meaningful, landed nowhere.
It took four years for Daniel to learn Dutch well enough to communicate in basic sentences. During that time, he did not feel welcomed he was invisible, misunderstood, and isolated.
Meanwhile, his step-grandfather suggested that Daniel need only speak Dutch; the languages of his past were unnecessary. Out of respect, his mother stopped teaching him Thai and Korean. Gradually, the languages that had once connected him to his earliest home slipped away, leaving only Dutch and with it, a quiet, unspoken loss of identity.




Chapter 3
Discipline, Silence, and Survival
At home, Daniel's stepfather provided materially, but he did not understand the subtleties of childhood. Discomfort with unfamiliar Dutch food often brought anger. Daniel's body reacted naturally, but his stepfather demanded obedience. Meals became tests, not nourishment.
His mother raised him with strict Asian parenting, where mistakes were met with bamboo-stick punishment. Tears were not allowed; crying only brought more pain. "This will make you stronger in the future," she said. Pain became synonymous with love, and endurance became a requirement. Outside the home, life offered no reprieve. From groep 6 through MBO 2, Daniel endured relentless bullying targeted for the color of his skin, his body shape, and his silence. He never belonged. Books, video games, and solitude became his companions. Words were hoarded behind a mask of smiles. The suffering was long, quiet, and unshared.




Chapter 4
The Invitation to Endure
At eighteen, Daniel received an invitation from South Korea to join the military. He was selected for special forces. Training was brutal and uncompromising: he was trained as a sniper, taught to endure cold, hunger, and exhaustion.
Where others broke, Daniel persisted. Pain had been familiar for years, but now it had structure and purpose. Life had always demanded endurance now, it asked only if he could survive. And Daniel already knew the answer.




Chapter 5
War Does Not Teach Mercy
Deployment to Iraq brought reality into sharp focus. Daniel assisted a small squad responding to a hostage situation involving journalists. Every mission carried the knowledge that it could be his last. Survival demanded focus, detachment, and the ability to act without hesitation.
Two years passed in blood, sweat, and exhaustion. The mission was completed the hostage rescued. Daniel was sent home. The war, however, did not remain overseas. He returned carrying PTSD, sleepless nights, and the inability to trust anyone including his parents.




Chapter 6
Estranged and Unwelcome
Returning home should have been a relief, but Daniel was not welcomed. His parents saw him as a "dishonest" and "annoying" son. Despite his loyalty and respect, his efforts were misinterpreted.
He had always tried to help, to learn, to contribute but they saw it as insolence. For two years, communication was almost nonexistent. Slowly, small conversations emerged, but the memory of rejection never left him. Daniel never forgot the doors they had closed, nor the loyalty and respect he had offered since childhood. That history shaped his distrust, and it stayed with him even as reconciliation slowly began.




Chapter 7
Coming Back Broken
After the war, Daniel tried to rebuild a life. He met someone he believed could offer stability and love. But the relationship faltered. His guardedness was misunderstood. His caution was labeled fear.
One evening, after a long day of work, he discovered her with another man. There was no apology, only blame: he was not the man she wanted. Daniel realized, again, that those he had trusted could fail him in ways he could not control.
He had survived abandonment, bullying, abuse, and war but love, he learned, could still wound with quiet cruelty.




Chapter 8
Collapse
Daniel fell apart. His weight reached 160 kilograms. Alcohol became constant. Suicide thoughts consumed him day and night. Friends he believed in betrayed him further photographing and recording his collapse at a party while he lay unconscious in his own vomit.
For a moment, he truly believed that no one cared. That the world had finished with him.






Chapter 9
The Switch
Then something shifted. Not a voice, not an epiphany, but a quiet, resolute decision. Daniel threw away the alcohol. He began to work out. He reached out to new people online, building small connections across time zones. Some were good, some were not, but for the first time, he spoke freely without fear of judgment.
Slowly, bit by bit, Daniel began to rebuild himself. Discipline returned. Structure returned. Hope returned not as a sudden burst, but as a persistent, quiet presence in his life.




Epilogue
January 14, 2026
Daniel writes this story not to claim victory, but to mark a line in time.
He writes to show where he started and where he wants to go. To document the life of someone shaped by abandonment, abuse, bullying, war, betrayal, and near self-destruction but who refused to be erased.
From this day forward, Daniel chooses himself. He will focus on his future, care less about the opinions of others, and remain open to what life holds. Love will not be chased; respect will be demanded. Friendship will be chosen carefully.
He is not healed. He is not finished. But he is here. And for the first time, that is enough.